whoz.datgurl

Yes, no, maybe?

2011-10-03T06:36:00.000-07:00

An attempt to make a collage for

Intellectual Observer

Give feedback

do mention some resources on collage making.

Closure

2011-05-16T03:53:00.000-07:00

whatever closure you're looking for is only going to come from within, not from him.

What I have been upto- December.

2011-03-28T02:08:00.000-07:00

December is mostly a blur. In the first week- I went for my first ever night halt on my own, to the eastern Banni region, to a village called Nani Daddhar. It was two nights long actually, between 6th December to 8th December and lot of fun, culture shock and unlearning. Also this visit marked my initiation into learning "milking the buffalo".

The night before on 5th December, I was nervous indeed. First of all I had concerns about reaching that

pace one piece and secondly I was worried about language hassles. So much baggage

before the trip had even begun. Rightly so, I forgot the birthday of one of my closest buddies, the following day!

I had not had enough time to soak in all the Banni-ness and the wedding bells were already ringing for darling Shilpa. I had no heart to miss her wedding. And so I traveled to Pune via Bombay. Thr night halt at home was simply amazing! It was re-iteration of the fact that I really miss my parents (contrary to my initial beliefs which suggested otherwise). The rid

e from Mumbai to

Pune in the luxirious MSRTC volvo was super indeed. Especially the winding ghats and all. Refreshed, I reached Shilpa's home the morning of 13th. The first sight of her was an emotional affair. Shilpa had not hired professionals for her make-up

etc SO her friends were helping her with the same. I have zilch know-how on make up and was doing the general running around. But because of the whole thing being a very small, personal, close-knit affair her wed

ding was very special indeed! It was two days of dance, drama and

action add to it her best buds from school and SPA days. It was lot of fun indeed. And ofcourse, yours truly with help of Sheetal managed to drape a Sari, thanks to Rashi was

ornamented with make-up and thanks to the entire girl gang had the confidence to sashay around the

lawns at the wedding venue without a fall.

And ofcourse, Shilpa post the water cosmogony

module ad decided to include all the rituals of a Garhwali wedding. All in all the most fun I have had in recent times, read a long long time!

I was back at Sahjeevan on 16th only to leave for Chirag on 24th December for the mid-point meeting. I was in no mood to travel that mu

ch again but alas! Also I let my co-fellows talk me into staying there for new year's something I had mixed feelings about later on. But guess what, it was really really cold and on new year's eve it snowed! I was too numb to feel much in the body but yes there was a strange warmth in the mind. I had carried with me work for post-Pashumela report. An assignment I was able to finish but

not mail in.

Anyway,

I handed the little report over to Ramesh Bhai after I was back at Sahjeevan on the 3rd of January. Post that it was time to once again seriously pursue my study on women of Banni and their role in animal

husbandry.

These days...

2011-01-12T22:42:00.000-08:00

Initially when I move to Kachchh, I would write off and on. My dad was a bit skeptical about me keeping daily logs. I laughed off his suspicions saying I loved writing and so I would. But halfway into my fellowship I realised I haven't written enough to consolidate my experiences, thoughts opinions, ideas- whatever. And so. I do this now. Lot of information would be obviously lost this way but something is better than nothing. Also I got from home my inks and drawing papers but have been barely painting at all. SO I have decided to combine my monthly/ quarterly reports with my consolidation for self notes with blogging. Lets see if this helps. Also I have been reading up social sciences stuff on a very sporadic basis. I love it. Not to forget the question 'what after June' has been raising its head.

2010-12-11T03:27:00.001-08:00

I guess I am ok!

2010-12-05T19:28:00.000-08:00

I am not a jester,
I am not a clown.

When I talk a lot,
you say I crib too much

When I talk too little
you say I am very quiet

whatever I do or say
doesn't seem to match up
ever- may be you are
way beyond my standards

I know not love,
that was measured-
in centimeters or liters...

I know not political correctness,
I know not how to
hit below the belt
with a sugar ring around it.

But I guess I am OK,
the way I am.
With my flaws-
my hairy arms eyebrows
and a sprouting mouch

I guess I am OK!

from the archive 02/06/09 first I thought I wrote this for an ex-boyfriend then I realised I wrote this for a girlfriend actually :P

coming soon!

2010-09-29T01:37:00.000-07:00

a gist of my thoughts and feelings about Banni

These days I am here

2010-09-28T23:53:00.000-07:00

Luckily, they have remained till now, off the map

our thoughts don't travel this far

A mostly muslim community, this one

is closer in it's mind to Pakistan

although, they now tread on the Indian soils

And why not, their radio catches Pakistan stations

They are Maldharis, they are keepers of buffaloes

and sheep and goats and more

They shun permanency

and perhaps that's why

rest of the world, me included

find it difficult to trust them

they migrate with their cattle

wherever the cattle finds food and water

they migrate at the expense of their own comfort

so that the land recuperates behind them

they still have families back in Pakistan

and a train from Jodhpur takes them

to their earlier home

they live with little

make do with what they have

they speak a dialect between kachchhi and sindhi

the men folk travel the world

the women don't cross the home thresholds

women don't even watch tv or listen to the radio

its forbidden apparently

they community finds itself without girls these days

and so girls are brought in from Kolkata

for marriage

By themselves their customs seem cruel, crude

but who am I to say, because they are survivors,

droughts, earthquakes, storms, calamities

they have braved it all and so

they stand tall and proud,

also greedy for free money

who am I to say they want it easy

for their life has been anything but easy

at times they have survived by eating

seeds of grass and barks of trees

will I ever understand them

and come to trust them

or even trust myself enough

to be able to work with them

An overnight stay at Banni was fun, the moon five sizes big than I would see it in Mumbai was shining brilliantly on the Pakkas (temporary houses of Maldharis) we ate a modest but lovingly cooked meal of roti and dungri shaak and crawled under elaborately stiched quilts. The women of the house took out the newest ones for us. What make these people of such extreme conditions so courteous to visitors? Post the overnight stay, the morning after when periods hit me and I knew there would no be any toilets around I was ready to break down. But there was work to be done and these things were quickly forgotten. But next day post the overnight stay, when I had the choice of not going, I decided to stay back and work in office. I feel so ashamed for not having enough guts to go to Banni today. This feeling of helplessness sort of kills me a little everyday. How will I manage to work in Banni, I have no clue. More so, the fact that I am not exactly in love with some people here doesn't make it easy. Will I ever have enough balls, Jhumpi I miss you dearly- I miss your words of wisdom and courage which have always egged me on.

Answers

2010-09-23T04:25:00.000-07:00

The traditional occupations in Kachchh, in the order of (?)

Dry land farming

animal Husbandry

Fishing

Sea Trade

Handicrafts

Business

Industries/ factories

Traditional occupations as I understand come to be owing to the very obvious factors of geography, availability of natural resources, climate of a place and umm err I need to read up on this ;)

Kachchh has a huge livestock population due to the following factors:

Absence of predators like lion, tigers in significant numbers

There haven't been severe droughts in a long time.

Veterinary services are available today

Better transport ensures availability of fodder even in lean time and access to resources

Government schemes and subsidizes

Present day thriving dairy business, encourages livestock keepers to further AH activities

Lot of initially available water was exploited using technology etc, the amount and quality of water being lesser and inferior today has led to farmers shifting from farming to AH

Communities out of spiritual beliefs and solidarity support livestock shelters (mostly cattle).

Dairy business did not survive in Kachchh initially despite of having a large livestock population because

Kachchh faced severe droughts in the past (for thee out of five years in a cycle)

Lack of forward (organized, efficient and transparent milk collection system, milk storage, marketing of milk and milk products) and backward (availability of sufficient food, water, healthcare facilities and hygienic living conditions of livestock ) linkages.

Fluctuation in quantity of milk collected, depending upon rainfall that given year

Huge distances and poor infrastructure hampering connectivity of collection centres in villages with markets in adjoining and urban areas.

Producers' not getting paid the prices they deserve for milk and milk products due to erratic supply chain management and quality and quantity of milk-milk products.

Management of milk co-operatives, slack and corrupt (eg: fat percentage changes when checked at the the collection centre and the eventual dairy where milk is sold, tampering with milk and milk products while in transit).

Lack of transparency even at producer levels.

Livestock keepers have gradually shifted from rearing cows to buffaloes because

government's idea of planting Prosopis Juliflora or Ganda Bawal to contain desert backfired as cow's chewing on it's fruit developed paralytic conditions of mouth while buffaloes could chew on it's fruits unaffected.

During green revolution, several agricultural technologies came up and tractors and mechanized farming became a norm, as a result the demand for draft animals reduced dramatically, so also livestock keepers were lost interest in farming bullocks.

Due to damming of rivers, increasing salinity of grazing lands availability of fodder and grass reduced, in such conditions buffaloes give more milk output as compared to cows in terms of input resources versus quality-quantity of milk output.

After white revolution, milk with more fat content began fetching a better price- the fat content of buffalo milk is obviously higher than cow's milk and livestock keepers preferred the former.

Also farmers and livestock keepers as well those engaged in hard-labour benefited from the higher fat content of buffalo milk than cow's milk, in terms of their day to day consumption.

Communities especially livestock keepers with nomadic lifestyle settle where they do depending upon:

Their native land,

the food / grazing requirement of their livestock.

whether they are into farming and livestock keeping or only livestock keeping. Therefore the herd size of animals.

Maldharis or livestock keepers with nomadic lifestyle as they are known in Kachchh are fantastic people; as they are one with nature. They live with and for their livestock i.e domesticated animals so much so that they migrate according to the food and water requirements of their animals, not their own. Which we outsiders and governments of various states view as failure or lack of basics which in our eyes pushes them to migrate. We fail to see that apart from the need of their animals they migrate to allow nature to recuperate behind them from grazing etc.

2010-09-23T04:23:00.000-07:00

Kachchi friends

2010-09-07T06:23:00.000-07:00

When you shift base, move to a new city- when you don't speak the local language; whom do you befriend??

office colleagues, who are nice to you.
the sim card retailing shop boys.
the top-up shop boys.
autowallahs, who don't cheat you.
Chai tapriwallahs in vicinity
The dingy-dhaba-owner uncle and his boys (on first name basis of course)
The aunty who supplies tiffin
the fruitwallah bhaiyya in vicinity, who was always fair with prices
few nomads who traveled distances, from Sindh, Balochistan, Afghanistan and who are one with nature.
infi interns/ young employees from infi organisations

but favouritest of them all is the Dabeliwallah uncle because,

even at 8:30 am in the morning, when Bhuj streets are still sleepy his is the only shop open on Hospital Road where you can buy breakfast (no tea or biscuits, only dabeli, dhokla)
he is the guy who tells you the shortest and safest routes to wherever you want to go.
he talks to you.
He knows what you are going through hoping to 'settle in' as he too moved to Bhuj from MP and admits that it is a strange city, strange in interesting of ways and some not so awesome ways too.

Yes, I moved out from Mumbai for the first time in 25 years. Wow! I came to Kachchh. It's a diverse place to say in the least. I have my semi-own-rented place. It's also for the first time in 25 years that I speak to my father everyday. We don't argue either. I am extremely humbled by how much he knows and how I was never willing to listen to him or consult him even. I have finally been initiated into a 'night-life' as active as it could get in a dry-state. Not to mention the arbit pheromones in the air.

It's also for the first time in 25 years, that i sit down to literally think about all the places I traveled through and lived. Girgaon, byculla, Dombivli, Andheri, Powai. I am obviously quite not yet the independent chica I am qwanting to be, but a few steps further from Mumbai means a few steps closer atleast.

Questions abound

2010-09-07T06:15:00.000-07:00

How do traditional occupations come to be?
How come Kachchh has such a huge livestock population?
Why did dairy business not survive in Kachchh initially despite of having a large livestock population?
Has rain been historically fluctuating in Kachchh or is it a recent 'climate change' induced phenomenon?
Why do communities settle where they do?
Why do communities rear the animals they do?
When livestock keepers (known as Maldharis locally) choose a breeding bull according to their understanding how do the females in the herd come to accept the bull as their mate? Isn't this an arranged marriage of sorts without giving the female animals any choice? What do the female animals feel about this?
In Kachchh livestock graze all by themselves, w/o much monitoring, especially buffaloes. And mating happens naturally, that is when a female is in heat (state of arousal), the breeding bull senses it and provides service (mates with her). How do Maldharis ensure that the females from their livestock, mate with the breeding bull from their own herd? What if the female chooses to mate with breeding bull from some other herd? And in the process, the quality of offspring suffers.

Livestock keepers due to vested interests of business and communities owing to spiritual reasons care for livestock, especially cows etc but nobody practically sees value in caring for the male buffalo whether young or an adult. So they are left to die :(

Answers and my take on the above soon...

WHY

2010-08-08T20:33:00.000-07:00

is it that environment-degrading jobs pay so well,
while environmentally sustainable jobs pay peanuts??

an oil company drilling holes into my planet
VS
A farmer engaged in dry land farming
(by default organic, as chemical fertilizers,
pesticides need water, lots of it)

To top it all at some point,
the state government put up an SEZ
(with good intentions of making available jobs locally)
on arable land, which to begin with was in minority

And now a friendly neighbourhood farmer's daughter asked me-
will the crops grow inside all the factories and fruits too

I had no answer!

My one girlfriend says, but oil is essential.
Look at all the wars that were fought-
In the name of God, democracy and what not

I say stop monopolizing,
the Renewable Energy market
and for Gods-sake stop drilling holes
In this beautiful earth
you war-oil-pollution-mongers
not to forget,
the social fabric that went for a toss!

epiphanies inc.

2010-06-13T20:54:00.000-07:00

Lokancha threshold anticipate karta ala pahije ani ekhada discussion khute challay anticipate karta ala pahije. kahi velelela stop!! argue karnyat maja nahiye, movie banavnyat ahe, pratyek goshtila closure pahije, svatahchi clarity is important, nahitar kayam confused rahnar ani dusryanvar answers saathi depend karnar ani worse kahi chukla tar swatahla blame karnar ani barobar ala ki dusryana credit denar- sir

smoking is bad for body, good for mind- tosh

by borrowing money, he has broken that barrier, we wouldn't because we are so structured in our thoughts and conceptions of good and bad- she

He is sharp, very intelligent, but chooses to be in the misery where he is now, there are so many kids and hang-arounds emulating him, my point is the day he gets bored he will get out what about those around, who aren't smart enough...perhaps they are destroyed for now. He has seen the world, is a complete smooth-talker, has a grip over getting in and out of things, but he is also juvenile in some senses. Like sir said, i tried to gauge his threshold, but failed. He did very openly point of flaws in me though- that is probably now making me eat one roti less. But the best part was that the night-out culminated in an early morning at the lakeside, watching brids- saw a red wattled lapwing (all pics from internet)

and Bharadwaj

and the usual Salunkis, squirrels and found some old dried gourds, suspended from a dead tree.

Too much to digest in the head. What I could articulate I wrote, the rest still churns in my head.

The next stop!

2010-06-01T07:03:00.001-07:00

So what's the next 'it' thing for me? It's gotta be Aaroha DDS 2010. All the details on the website www.dds2010.com Do show up!

I have learnt

2010-05-07T13:42:00.000-07:00

that doing things big and small, literally expands my time/ day.

hiding in my room makes me stale and clamps me in every possible way.

to be grateful of my past.

to shun any kind of dogma, whether self-imposed or inherited from my parents.

film making at it’s basic most level boils down to making choices and decisions.

relying heavily on my parents and friends to fill holes in my life makes me all-the-more miserable.

to not be afraid. Just ask.

my body is beautiful. my breasts are fine and don’t need obsessing over.

Sexuality is not to be ashamed off. Its for me to let it be and blossom on its own.

to not be apologetic.

planting / hugging trees makes me a happy woman.

Dance truly liberates me and makes my spirit soar.

there are potentials in me waiting to be unlocked.

porn, facebook, jealousy, scheming, regretting, ‘unfinished businesses’, revenges are all energy draining, wasteful exercises.

that things will happen when I want to make them happen.

a research assignment well finished can keep me high for weeks.

to not let personal biases, prejudices come between my work and me.

i can look people i don’t like in the eye, keep cool, keep the communication channels open and appreciate them for the good in them.

that some equations will always be very hyper, love-hate ones and I have accepted them as such.

bearhugs egg me on.

that after having loved, lost, lusted I am open to meeting interesting people again without me having to label any of those equations.

to respect what my body has to say

to not deem a job high on learning curve, low on a salary as a non-decent job.

that good intentions (merely) are indeed a road to hell.

to believe that I too can be happy, content, at peace with my self and my surroundings.

that I am attractive in my own way

to not dismiss something as good or bad based on hearsay.

to try whatever I want to try and have no guilt.

making my own decisions no matter how foolish they seem rocks

wasting time kills me softly

not to miss breakfast

that my body has become comfortable to the idea of walking nude on a beach someday

never to send out feelers for something that has not yet happened.

to at times be superstitious.

protecting my interests does not make me selfish.

being a martyr/ victim sucks.

to not take shit lying down.

persevere.

meeting my guide with what i have at hands no matter how shitty always rocks

avoiding profs is mindless

to not be bogged down or be worked up by cliches like success, decent lifestyle, being in a relationship

grumpiness whether mine or someone else’s is highly contagious, toxic and completely unnecessary.

to have faith that someday i will meet a guy I would be interested in bear-hugging and having interesting conversations with and perhaps we will hang out for a long long time.

traveling and connecting with people, empathizing with their situations peps me up.

that i like the sound of my own voice.

But I don't know what I want to do with myself....

2010-04-29T11:49:00.000-07:00

Find something you love to do,

feel strongly for,

it need not be a design studio either,

go there and give yourself away.

Then you will understand,

what you like about it and

what you don't.

Finally when you feel ready

to start something on your own,

you would know what you want in it

and what you would rather do without.

First attach | then detach

said she

R BIT

2010-04-29T10:33:00.000-07:00

Random marks

Chinese Dreams

For the boys I loved who loved Pacman

Love of Labour

Labour of love

Bubulgum Payal

2010-04-21T10:16:00.001-07:00

sustainability

2010-04-20T10:41:00.000-07:00

Whenever you work with your hands

we can talk about sustainability—

creating by hand is human ecology.

Fernando Campana

Campana Brothers

self reflection

2010-04-18T23:06:00.001-07:00

Organic/organised

2010-04-16T23:07:00.000-07:00

I will learn to build the cherished wall,
and then they won't be welcome,
in my space anymore.

I let them in,
they stayed too long,
no more bile, none for me.

I need it to be organic,
than organised,
my space.

Their acceptance, I thought
is needed for completing me
it isn't

no more lingering thoughts,
on them,
or that.

An Epiphany

2010-04-13T01:07:00.000-07:00

my film, my growth, search for an identity

are not outside of me

but are within me

as they are within you

felt what, have you?

ay so, should you

NOTHING IS DRY, CLINICAL, ANTISEPTIC, GENERAL | EVERYTHING IS PERSONAL | EVERYTHING IS YOU

------------

From the Sufi's treasure trove

2010-04-09T06:37:00.000-07:00

To be open

is to be free

is to be dancing

Temp location

2010-03-12T00:00:00.000-08:00

Not that anybody would notice but temporarily I have shifted base to this one In the hope of populating it with thoughts/ learning etc from my project 3 which is a film.

Kasa jagaycha, kasa vagaycha

2010-01-18T07:57:00.000-08:00

Jagava vagha sarkhe,

ladhava shivba sarkhe

-said Rohini

Jonathan Jarvis

2010-01-12T01:29:00.000-08:00

I went to this amazing site that explained world issues where i found this! Googling for the next hour or so I managed to see the work of the very talented and very awesome Jonathan Jarvis. This is his college portfolio and his current web site. Checkout New Mediators by him. Checkout this summer fellowship 2008 video he did as part of Designmatters @ Art Center college of Design with UNICEF Innovation. The work is refreshing, the project document so rich that I will be revisiting all these links in the days to come.

Very inspiring stuff indeed! Thank You Jonathan for sharing your work with us.

credits:
Shashikanth Suryanarayanan's link page. Here

Happy new hide

2010-01-03T02:10:00.000-08:00

It was a party for one! My new year. A lamp that I made lit the room- giving it a warm fuzzy glow- there was music from the laptop and sitting in on a film that was abandoned. Documentation more than film really. January 1 st happened, the footage I was working on was left aside for another footage whose need to be edited was more pressing. I had the ushering in of new year to myself, as i felt that's how the journey is going to be from now on. Had anything changed by 2nd Jan? Not really.

I need a new hide, the one I am hiding under currently is all worn out- too many holes, its unable to hold me together. I thought that will happen automatically- by default, around New Year's eve. And 31st night showed all signs that it was going to happen- but then it did not. It's still all the same.

I will need to get myself that new hide. It was not alas an automatic process! Here's to a new year and a new hide...

A plan that never was

2009-12-29T10:50:00.000-08:00

baba: So, what's next.
Sushant: Toh aagey ka kya socha hai?
Siraj: Job ka kuch soch hai?
Jhumpi: everybody knows yaar, what they want to do. Maybe you are unable to articulate- but you know, everybody knows...
Aai: Don't mind, but 25 is the ideal age to settle down really, you know...
Tara maushi: Mag...Pudhe kai karnar. Ata PG sampayla ala na...IIT nantar kai karaycha tharavlay?
Raunak: I don't have a plan, I have a passion (for the things I do)

Frankly, if I have it my way (read no way) I will just travel to village after village, talking, mingling, living with them, doing what they are doing, taking pictures rarely, sketching only when the urge drives me crazy and yes writing quite a bit. I would love to be in a constant transit to nowhere. Not a soul in the world asking me the "What next" question. Is it really important to be something, or somebody? Well I will be happy just doing things i love to do. Dance, write, travel on local trains, chat with people, watch movies. How does one make a profession out of this? And if there is a way of doing it- does one also expect enough to support oneself doing it? Uncertainty has maximum information, Mandar sir once said- but does it? This constant restlessness in the mind but inaction in the body almost leads to paranoia.

And then, comes along Raunak with a simple yet sane mother of all plans "do what you love doing. I have no plan, only passion" he says. And my faith is restored to some extent. In whom, or what? You ask. I don't know. Just faith.

He mentioned acceptance. I realised I have very little for my own-self. Mostly I look for it on FB these days, even on blogger. And measure it in terms on number of comments and likes and hits. Vain and lame you say but that's what it looks like. Well the other day- I added one more thing to the iLove list. Let me indulge for a while in it. However, just watching movies for the love i am developing for them seems unreal because it will never end. So when will I make one of my own? Very rarely these days when I doodle- i love the act. So why do i not do it more often? Why have I stopped dancing in the dance room at SAC? That was one of the better things that happened to me. Why have I stopped running and playing basketball? It's just so easy and convenient to laze around, specially in winters. I know it's not correct but I am doing it nevertheless. As jhumpi tours India and grows, I lie in my bed- judging myself for my faults, bad habits, insecurities and more.

It's only about taking one step. The very elusive first step!

Visit: Vagholi

2009-12-27T21:19:00.000-08:00

In search of a midnight kiss

2009-12-27T11:17:00.000-08:00

"Umm you are sure about this? I don't want to err...push you or something..." I was not even paying attention to his words. We had been on SAC grounds- running, a fitting winter evening I would say. With 2009 almost closing in on us and my special project now only a distant memory; I had now decided to listen to myself. Yes, finally. 24 seemed like a good age. It did not occur to me that easily though. You could say- I did a soft survey of sorts. I asked practically everybody in my circle. When was their first time. The ones closest to me were dismissive. Then there were the ones- whom I had met at youth hostels, in public dorms et al. All travelers, strangers in complete sense but then not really. They were the most forth coming ones. When you break bread together, if only during three days of transit and once you have shared your weed and once the impeccable confidence that neither of you is going to bump into each other for a long long time sets in you suddenly begin to give out the most intimate details of your life. There is certain safety in rambling to complete strangers. They are most likely not going to judge you and even if they do- it's not going to affect your day to day life. So lets just say it is okay. Yea, so going back to primary thought, 23 seemed like the average age. Hmm, I am a year late already. I thought. And not just in being intimate. I was a year late in lots of other things. Like getting a job. Having a decent plan for life. Being self-aware. Living on my own, away from parents et al. Hell yes, I was a year or so late in practically everything which mattered to me. Now.

"You like it", his words caught me unaware. "Sorry, did not get it..." I said. "Do you like this movie?" He said pointing out to a print of screen dump from the movie 'In Search of a Midnight Kiss' stuck to my has-not-been-painted-for-2-years H11 wall. "Yeah, Raunak put that movie on my to see list and I finally saw it- last year on new year's eve- when being single for second year in a row overwhelmed the shit out of me. Plus, it kinda made me all warm and gooey in the heart- just what I was asking for on a new year's night in, all alone in my hostel room and yes- lonely! Practically, everyone had a date then and those who did not were home with their folks. I had some serious unresolved issues- wanted to wallow in self-pity so I lied to parents that I am out with friends. Lied to my friends that I was out with folks, lied to myself that this shit of curling under the duvet with this film by my side would do me just fine.....And you know what? I couldn't have been more right. For the first time in my life. So much for a new year and new found self-awareness & clarity".

"Let go babe. There is so much to do out here, you do not want to be stuck up!" He sounds great. He smells even better. Specially after a run. It was sevenish yet dark- it being winter. We had been running on SAC grounds for fifteen minutes and running around in circles after each other for three months now. At 21 he did not quite give shit about a "serious relationship" . At 24, I was too old (apparently) to be fooling around, engaging in frivolity. So neither of us was sure what to call it- whatever that we had going on. Neither of us cared. We had met up in not so normal circumstances. I was strolling on SAC grounds post midnight. I saw him sprawled on the grass near the bleachers, where they play hockey. I was spooked, is he dead was my first reaction. He was just pissed drunk. I realised later. I sort of wanted to be sure he reaches his room one piece and without having to shell out the notorious contraband related fine. Smsing the randomest nicks in his cell phone to come and get him seemed like the best option. In 10 minutes three guys did come to hockey grounds and took him away. One appalled. One beaming from ear to ear the third one just indifferent.

Four days later, I saw him near the infi corridor and looked away presuming he wouldn't have remembered details from the other night anyway. Until, he walked up to me. "Thanks for what you did for me that night. If not consumed by the panther I would have frozen to death". "I don't think your life is that eventful or overtly dramatic really- you would have walked back next morning just fine" I retorted. "No really, seriously, I want to thank you- in fact can I do something to return the favour. Can I umm, buy you dinner or something?" I must admit at this point that I was not exactly immune to his boyish charm. I played along- "Oh, don't bother, anybody in my place would have done the same thing." "Please, I insist" he would not budge. I was glad. We had dinner that night. At a teeny bopperish watering hole near HN. No points for guessing where. After the dinner we walked back all the way from the joint to insti. But it was not so tiring really- besides the conversation kept us going. His story revealed that he was a accidental by-product of a cold marriage. That did not bother him he said since Kota had happened to him followed by IIT. This place had been home to him for past three and half years or so and he loved every bit of it. Apart from academics, where he was doing okayish (eight point something) he had found his calling in music. And although as his now separated parents dream of him taking up a consultancy job he somewhere deep down in his heart fancies playing music full time and touring India and abroad. But then that's what it essentially is he realised a fancy, a whim..."someday" he said "soon" as we saw a shooting star while lying on the bleachers.

Although, I had no intentions of leaving- the evening had been good fun. My still-incomplete-after-all-these-months project beckoned me to get going. And we did. We said our goodbyes. I wondered if we should exchange numbers. But thought heck its a mutual prerogative. If he is not asking why should I care. Two hours later, in my room I regretted. Not having taken his number. Not knowing if we would meet again. Not knowing if there were more such fun evenings in offing. Damn Adu. A complete dumb-ass you were. I scolded myself. Then began the frantic search over Facebook, LinkedIn, LAN, google ofcourse. Guys are sorta pretty easy to locate. I looked at his facebook page, heard his stuff on MySpace. Checked out his LinkedIn. Was pretty impressed by his internships over the years and the recos he had got. He even wrote a blog. Just opinions on music and yada but cool nevertheless. All in all. I was mucho in love with his online persona. I sent him a FB request. And waited. For a week. That's right. No reply.

I had lost my patience. By the end of it, but not my hope. Alas. One day- I found a mail in my inbox. He had been gone for some music competition and could not reply before. I was not complaining really. That evening we met again. This time we headed for a Karaoke place at Bandra. It was mad fun. He strums well and sings too. When it was my turn to sing, I felt almost naked singing in front of him and all. But couple of gins helped. I was okay and we did just fine. We went hung out at bandstand and later at lakeside we were not quite ready to call it day even at 4 am. But our bodies pushed to limit we parted. This time with phone numbers. And then it began. Incessant messaging. Calling up for stupidest reasons. Stealing time inbetween labs for him and studios for me. Like I said I had no notion of having fallen in love. I still agreed that it was just an attraction of sorts I was giving in to. Not knowing where it was leading or where it should go. But some amount of uncertainty and restlessness crept into me. Now that things were going so great- I wanted them to go likewise for a longer time. By that I mean I had developed this strange need to label what was largely undefined all this while. I decided to broach the topic post dinner one evening.

We were sitting outside H8, and I had no intentions of beating around the bush. I came straight to point. He looked hassled and to an extent aloof. "Why do we need to bloody define this. Its fine the way it is right now. Do you have a problem with the way things are right now?" A question as an answer to a previous question. I was not sure I was liking the way it was going. At some point both of us spewed our takes on undefined relationships. The equations which live in the fuzzy boundary between friendship and something more or something else. Things were starting to get bitter. And it frustrated me. Well, something had seemed promising even if for a brief while after two bloody years. "Fuck it" I said at some point. "Care for a drink?" That took us to the place where it all began. Post 2 gins I began thinking with renewed clarity. I realised that the argument had begun as a result of my need to define the equation between us as a result of my insecurity. On the way back to campus, we had shared a joint and in the expanded consciousness it became evident to me that perhaps for once I should just listen to my heart and let go. It was for me equivalent to a beginner jumping into the deep end of the swimming pool from the springboard (I could never manage that, my swimming coach chased me around the pool area and finally gave up. I finished my beginner level training without ever managing to jump into the deep end from a springboard). I had made up my mind. It was a bit chilly. The purple sky and the mist smelled of an impending winter. By the time my hostel came, we had walked hand in hand and I could not remember for how long. And as we hugged our blues away and said our good byes, I had decided to drop that issue altogether.

The fortnight that followed is a blurr. It was about writing and re-writing and re-re-writing my project report, the project completion, the presentation. Last minute work, yada yada. My jury (presentation) ended three days ago. It seems I have got and okayish grade. His presentation was today afternoon, his professor gave him an 8.7 and he is quite content with that. This mutual celebration bought us to SAC grounds at around 5:45. We warmed up, ran around the grounds for a while. Then headed to BJC, had juice. But heck it was just 6:40. I asked him if he wanted to hang out in my room for a while. He disappeared in H8 for a while and resurfaced, looking calmer this time. Like some Zen master. I had my Icard with me but lied to him that I had left it in my room. I ran upstairs all the while ensuring all my friends were not in their respective rooms. Specially my wingies. Great luck, everybody out. My room was quite in a mess. I cleaned it up in record two minutes. Got the orange pulpy and some grub from home out and dashed downstairs. As I made my way past C wing, my entire department gang, guys included surfaced out of nowhere. I was needless to say blushing. I had not mentioned anything about this guy to anyone. What was I going to say anyway. I was not his girlfriend or anything. We were not a couple or something. We were just....umm....I am still not sure what to say....Post a reluctant round of introductions on my part me and him landed in my room. He could not help but notice the "the awesome view of H8" from my room window. It was unnecessary I said defensively (it has on the contrary provided some great 4 am entertainment by students post drinking).

And as I poured the pulpy orange in a glass, he went to the window, drew the curtains shut...came over to me and we hugged the longest hug ever (for me atleast). When we finally broke the hug and I was opening the banana chips pack without much luck, I hear him say-
"You like it", his words caught me unaware. "Sorry, did not get it..." I said. "Do you like this movie?" He said pointing out to a print of screen dump from the movie 'In Search of a Midnight Kiss' stuck to my has-not-been-painted-for-2-years H11 wall. "Yeah, Raunak put that movie on my to see list and I finally saw it- last year on new year's eve- when being single for second year in a row overwhelmed the shit out of me. Plus, it kinda made me all warm and gooey in the heart- just what I was asking for on a new year's night in, all alone in my hostel room and yes- lonely! Practically, everyone had a date then and those who did not were home with their folks. I had some serious unresolved issues- wanted to wallow in self-pity so I lied to parents that I am out with friends. Lied to my friends that I was out with folks, lied to myself that this shit of curling under the duvet with this film by my side would do me just fine.....And you know what? I couldn't have been more right. For the first time in my life. So much for a new year and new found self-awareness & clarity".

"I have seen it once before, would not mind seeing it again with you..." he said. Sounded like a good idea. It was anyway good three hours-ish before 10pm. I opened the curtains, put the laptop on the floor, got food in place and both of us settled on the "Duh-ree" on the floor. It was quite nice being snuggled up next to him. The movie ended and sent me in a somber mood. A tear had rolled down my cheek unnoticed. My struggle to find meaning in my life for past two years flashed before my eyes. The way I had been harsh to myself where it was not needed and the way I was compromising on my academic integrity- all the things I had buried deep down in my head came back to haunt me. Before I knew, I was in tears. He noticed, put an arm around me and instinctively our lips met.

I had pre-visualized this thing in my head for the longest time. I thought, the emotion would be that of lust or atleast attraction or some such. But when we snuggled up next to each other and kissed it was more a comfort kind of emotion. A solace of sorts that we had found in each others arms. This whole sexual undertone did not occur to me at all. "Umm you are sure about this? I don't want to err...push you or something..." I was not even paying attention to his words.Teary eyed I asked me "would you understand if I want to just hold you like this but not go further- I know you have not mentioned it before but I just wanted you to know, I am not okay with the idea yet". He smiled back and said "sure, I understand- I am in no rush" he teased, "however, I must admit" he said laughing "the thought of getting lucky tonight did cross my mind". "Gooodddddd, you are soooooo lammmmeeeee" I was being all prude when suddenly one of the possibilities of his going into h8 and disappearing into one of the hostel rooms occurred to me. "Did you go to someone's room in h8 to get........." and I let out a huge "eeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwww" when I found him nodding. "Gaaawwwddd, what were you thinking, you think I am cheap sl**t or something" half mocking, half serious. To which he retorted "better safe, than sorry and was it not you who advocated the forward thinking of JNU for having a condom vending machine on campus". "Well true..." I said laughing, the mood was suddenly cheerful again and I was willing to let go of my frustrations and unnecessary self-judgement, at this point. We hugged again and he suggested we should do this atleast once every week as a part of the "Adu-gets-a-life Project". It had been the most perfect eveing ever and everything was going just fine. When I heard loud knocks on my door. Almost a pounding of sorts. I opened the door to find a very annoyed H11 guard. Pointing to her watch she said "Time kya hua hai" and sure enough, it was 10:05pm. A minute longer and I will have to shell out a hefty fine. Plus the ire of hostel mates an additional interest. We rushed out, I singed him out. We went out of dinner- had a good laugh about everything from the first time I saw him, to the expression on the guard's face. Having had so much fun, I said goodbye to him a few minutes ago. I was about to go to bed. But then had to blog about the evening. So above it is. I suppose this 4am ban sorta came in handy today.

This post is for you dear :* Love.

LAN

2009-12-13T09:30:00.000-08:00

I am addicted, FB, info porn, porn, Soundcloud yada yada. I don't go home until i absolutely miss my parents or there is some do or die pressing need because I can't stay without LAN. Finally when I do go home, I get withdrawal symptoms of the weirdest kind. I have become sorta okay to the idea of being holed up in my hostel room as long as there is the LAN. My computer is forever on, sadly, I can't seem to operate without it on. Its become like the next critical thing to breathing. I don't read newspapers anymore- I read only blogs. My equations with people are perhaps changing too. I am perhaps more communicative over the internet as opposed to earlier times when I was a better communicator in person. I post hourly updates of FB. I just read and read online. Mental masturbation of the highest kind. But there is no end to reading and knowing says Jhumpi. How true. I remember going through a terrible TV addiction process in post 9th std days. I wonder, how I am going to rescue myself this time. My only distractions away from the internet are when I am dancing, cycling, running, bathing or some such.

This whole thing, it ain't funny no more...

IDC Suniyore flyers

2009-12-06T08:32:00.000-08:00

Dfrost (Newsletter)

2009-12-06T08:26:00.000-08:00

Lamps

2009-12-06T08:18:00.000-08:00

Pineapple weave

2009-11-20T08:25:00.000-08:00

The assignment is till pending but here's what came out!

Of unusual birthdays

2009-11-13T14:30:00.000-08:00

Darling jhumpi turned a year older in the body and a year younger at heart. Her verve not withstanding we or rather she herself threw a birthday bash for self and the most unusual one at that! "No birthday cake" was the unsaid rule...we did "dance and munch the chips" routine in the room. Going ballistic a week before final jury was an unlikely event but it happened. Here are the firsts from the night-

First #1 convo ke peeche ka rasta at 3ish. Two girls, no lights and the possibility of a leopard lurking somewhere.

First #2 Sleeping on the bleachers in the SAC grounds. Watching 2 shooting stars in a span of 10 min and making a wish.

First #3 Feeling completely empty for once and the first time ever.

First #4 Contemplating the meaning(lessness) of the life, projects, IDC the morning after with a new found expanded consciousness.

moi

2009-10-25T02:21:00.000-07:00

Annie Hall

2009-10-05T06:39:00.000-07:00

Whatta movie!

I wonder if that's where Raunak got the phrase mental masturbation from. Also that thing about love being too small a word and saying infact I louve you and lu-ave you (i am probably not getting the spellings right :|)

Yeah, since recently I went on a very random dinner with ahem a complete stranger and there was self-consciousness lurking in the background which i was oh so desperately trying to hide and all that this movie comes in as a very funny in a cute way kind of reminder of what transpired anyway...Will have to watch it couple of more times to remember all the witty lines well. Woody Allen and Diane Keaton were brilliant. And one of my fav dialogue which in fact is a reality about all my social equations is when Allen says


   "I would never wanna belong to any club
   that would have someone like me for a
   member." That's the key joke of my adult
   life in terms of my relationships with
   women.

Well reminded me of good old times with some other guy. Mentally ran through those months in my head and by the time the spider in Keaton's bathroom scene came I was reminded of my wanna-be-tomboy self. I am full of contradictions and jokes. That random dinner and the guy and all that- none of it was as funny as much as my own-self. Shruti and Rohini were so right about it. More later.

M2: Mental Masturbation

2009-10-03T07:36:00.000-07:00

P2 stage 2 turned out to be full of mixed feelings because the mentally constipated me did not present any thought. Only infinite cribs about people are not getting together after all. However, talking to KT was the best thing ever. What is he? God? His presence is that of a parent. Like Sherline once said. He might admonish you and all, tell you how stupid you are but his clarity is unparalleled. Having said that 17 days remain for P2 stage 3. But that is not what this post is about.

As regards to the water cosmogony poster. The way i got fixated with the body painting idea was ridiculous. Not only that. I kept mentally masturbating about water, its origin, the sacred feminine, ganga but never once did i try to put it on paper to make sense of it. When i finally did, at the twelfth hour the results were shoddy. I made a very impotent team mate to Niharika and Shilpa. My apologies girls.

Post P2 stage 2 and the video documentation direction that my project has taken I wanted to consult Venkat. Lights, movies to watch. Anything to get the much needed documentary gyaan, even if last minute. As always is the case, post discussion on films, lighting, the documentary Visions of Light, the discussion veered towards sex. Rather its portrayal in films. I broached that topic while telling Venky about Dirty Diaries. A link my friend Zainab had posted sometime back on facebook raised the question if it was alright to fund what is essentially porn using tax payers' money. I still haven't come to a conclusion on that one.

My water cosmogony posters are still pending tomorrow being the submission and final presentation day. While reading up on Hindu symbology amongst many concepts i stumbled upon was the concept of Tantra. Most of us have heard of Tantric Sex (read about it in the context of Sting eons ago i think.) But that is not the whole story. The temples of Khajuraho, the Kamasutra and other erotic visual imagery in out culture is not to be taken literally. Behind it is the beautiful philosophy of Tantra which is this:

As its Meta-theoretical postulates, Tantra expounds the concept of a primordial egg, point or bindu which is the center of all energy. Al creation takes place through fragmentation, division of energies, from this center. realisation of the totality of truth takes place through the union of these fragmentations and divisions. Life and death is one movement. PRESENT is the stage of action.

At the theoretical level it postulates Shiva and Shakti as the first order division of primordial energy, into male and female principles. The fragmentation exists because of perception of separateness, aversions and taboos. Senses are a means to bring out unification in one's perception, thinking and action. Through this openness in living one arouses a kind of mental activity and psychosomatic forces which unify the subtle energy levels leading to realisation of truth and enlightenment.

At the pragmatic level it uses mantra, yantra, icons and rituals as a means of preparing oneself. Wine, women, music and nourishing food for heightening senses. Male and female union as a means to psychosomatically experience the process of unification and separateness. Meditation on chakras as a means of evoking the psychosomatic forces for the realisation of truth.

An excerpt taken from lecture "The living force of symbols" by L. K. Das from the proceedings of the seminar on Indian Symbology held at the Industrial Design Centre on 17, 18, 19 January 1985. Edited by Prof. Kirti Trivedi.

Having read all that. Sex suddenly is so much more than "getting laid" or "doing someone". In a book about Kali, the imagery was so extreme that it took a while for the my senses to adjust to what are our mythologies, stories from the past. The form of sacred feminine, Kali in all her visual glory and multiple iconography has touched something in me. I can't articulate it but it has happened. I am in a sorta haze as if some universal truth was just revealed to me. I don't want to get out of this phase of amazement.

The water cosmogony poster however beckons!

Ancient Tamil Poetry

2009-10-02T06:47:00.000-07:00

English translation by A. K. Ramanujan

What the concubine said

You know he comes from
Where the fresh-water shark in the ponds
catch with their mouths
the mangoes as they fall, ripe
from the trees on the edge of the field.

What she said

to her girl friend, when she returned,
from the hills

Bless you, friend. Listen.
Sweeter than milk
mixed with honey from our gardens

is the leftover water in his land,
low in the waterholes
covered with leaves
and muddied by animals.

Make an IDC wish

2009-09-26T01:31:00.000-07:00

Do it right now. Make a wish. Write to me about it. Let us work towards it and have fun along the way. Its supposed to be the best time of our lives eh? But for change I would like it to be few words and more actions. Drop me a wish I say!

boond

2009-09-23T05:53:00.000-07:00

I thank thee, water, the sacred feminine for quenching the thirst of my planet. Every time i take a bath I partake your purity. Water doodles on me body.

2009-09-20T06:54:00.000-07:00

I like to pack them all,
in fancy gift boxes.
Shades are multitude-
Blue, yellow, red & oranges.
All bubbles, fleeting names.
A context borrowed.
A context contrived.
To fit in and create;
knowledge facades.
I wish to impose order.
I hate being clueless.
I hate to be in void-vacuum-blank-
where possibilities are infinite
I am scared of what might be,
what if it gets out of my hand,
what if it goes wrong,
what if it consumes me.

I have a bag full of tricks,
a new one each time,
so that the world approves
the image of me.

In my head

2009-09-18T10:14:00.000-07:00

Sir had always said its not about whether you can draw its mostly about whether you can see.
In my head i see me like this!

Poem

2009-06-26T16:32:00.000-07:00

I do not love you as if you were salt-rose or topaz,
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms,
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers.
Thanks to your love a certain fragrance,
risen darkly from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where,
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride,
so I love you because I know no other way than this:
where "I" does not exist, nor "you,"
So close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
So close that your eyes close and I fall asleep.

-Pablo Neruda

A poem for the ones I love, but would not admit to.

Sruja

2009-04-15T22:02:00.000-07:00

I, Me, Myself

2009-04-12T16:52:00.000-07:00

I, me, myself.
I write to make sense of the world around
and the world within.
The poems on the wall were written
during under graduate days at different
points of time. They are about things that
fascinate me- people, human relationships,
experiences, traveling and introspection.
The visuals were added much later,
just before coming to IDC.
I drew the visuals into an online interface
using a mouse and then they were scribbeled
over by the software “The Scribbler” a toy
developed by an interaction designer called
Ze Frank. I am a big fan of his.
Sometimes images in the head evoke poetry.
Sometimes it’s the other way round. But
each time there are thoughts to be shared.
Hence the attempt.
Aditi K.

Paula Scher- Serious Play

2009-04-07T10:46:00.000-07:00

TZP claymation and other stuff

2009-04-05T09:46:00.000-07:00

Re-posting a very old entry. Excuse the spelling errors.
-------------------------------------------------------------------

Before i start with what how and where i will tell you a bit about getting to whistling woods was a task its way outside the city limits at Film City, Goregaon (E) After lot of huffing and puffing and changing three buses i reached the venue...Now i know why its way outside the city limits...their sprawling campus and serene environs explained it all. Ok now let me get on with what was the seminar all about...

This seminar was organised by The Animation Society of India TASI in association with CG Tantra and others. The speakers at the seminar were Mr. Dhiman Vyas + team and Mr. Vaibhav Kumaresh + team. The topic in question was obviously the animation done for the movie TAARE Zameen
Par...specifically two sequences- the title sequence (Dhimant Vyas+ team) and the 3x9=.... sequence (Vaibhav + team).

All those present there had pre-registered online some availed of spot registrations. At the registration counter was THE VAIBHAV himself--yes yes the same guy behind channel V's Simpoo sir and others like chulbuli, Nickelodeon channel idents etc etc. He is one heck of a person because inspite of his accomplishments he is so humble and so approachable. You could ask him any question without having to wonder if you are sounding silly and he would be happy to answer them. Whats more he is true blue happy person something that translates into his work or prolly the other way round :D All the formalities taken care of we were ushered inside. Till the setup and the speakers were in place we saw the movie Krishna- the animated one and i had never guessed something that i had seen over and over again since childhood could be sold to me again because of a different medium it was being presented in- that is animation.

With everyone and everything in place the seminar started. Since it will be difficult for me to recreate the sequence of things i will just put up here for you folks all the terms/ ideas/ instructions i came across the way it has been scribbled in my notebook :D I still lug one around :P

Mr. Dhimant Vyas (fondly known as kaka) showcased some of his earlier work that led Aamir Khan to commission him for the TZP animation. He showed us clay-comics where the backgrounds and characters were all created using clay. They were rested on white background...images of which were taken top lit,(hence no shadows)camera being mounted on top. The dialogues were later added on computer (digitally via a software like photoshop maybe.)

Later he showed us a film called Happy Planet which Aamir had seen prior to calling on him for TZP. For the Taare Zameen Par project kaka's team included- Arvind Chudasama, Vishal, Harshad Godbole for making models Satya Prakash for lighting.

Terms and stuff i came across when kaka went about showing stages of how it was made-
Animatics Timing the storyboard, visuals with proper movements.

Finishing is important in TZP case as all the models will enlarge on cinema scope and fill the entire movie screen in the theater.

Care has to be taken about Transitions, cleanliness, textures of individual models,
the lighting in TZP case was from top hence flat without any shadows.

Morphing or transitions take place between fish to kite and peacock to flower.

If you compare 2D claymation (as in TZP) as against 3D claymation (as in case of MTV POGA) movements are easier in @d wrt to flying in sky, swimming under water as there are no gravity constraints- one can create an illusion of gravity whereas the feel of space that obviously comes in case of 3D models is harder to achieve here in 2D.

When you make models you should know how to handle/use those models that is move them for the shoot without causing unnecessary distortion etc. Sometimes you may end up custom making your own tools not only for creating these models but also for moving them about as was in case of one fish with spikes which had to be moved without disturbing the spikes hence a tool was quickly made on the spot for moving it around.

Inventing or building the road as you journey is the key..because so many un anticipated problems rise up. Like using glue tape to fasten the drawings on the underside of the glass on which the animation had been setup for the shoot instead of manually holding it by hand for half and hour.

For measuring the time taken by a character to move from point a to point b a stop watch was moved between the same two points mocking the characters movements and the timings were noted (genius!)

What was the lighting Situation?
Lights were mounted from top face down throwing light on the glass below.

Flicker- The fluctuations would give rise to flickers which are disturbing for shoot. So voltage needs to be stabilized.
Camera- which is also mounted from top face down facing the glass should be maintained steady, shutter speed should also be maintained according to the requirement and the camera "click" button is not used images are captured using a computer as the camera is connected to the computer using image capturing software and all the adjustments are made using the computer- the camera is never fiddled around with as it might shake.

Clay Models Instead of using normal studio lights which are warm source of light cool lights like tube-lights were used to keep clay models from melting (yes that happens owing to wax content in the clay the models may melt).

Morphing While morphing from one element into another say from fish to kite...previsualize in how many stages it happens- say it happens in 10 stages then keep all the inbetween stages ready before hand so that you save time.

In one case the hippo totally disappears into water this disappearing act is courtesy photoshop.

How to avoid reflections on glass surface?
All the models that were being shot were arranged on a glass so how does one prevent reflections of equipment like camera etc mounted on the top from falling on glass-
the glass was adjusted to be at an angle wrt to what is being seen from the camera...to avoid the reflections. That means its not perfectly horizontal its slightly tilted. Place clay models all over the shooting area so you can check if any of them are getting distorted when seen from the camera.

When moving so many models at the same time how to keep a track of what is moving where and when? Does it then make sense to have more than one person to help move around so many models?
Using one animator is ideal, though it is time consuming- it causes less confusion. The keeping track effectively and judgment of what must move where, when and how fast or slow comes with experience that is practice. Too many cooks spoil the broth so take help for model making if you must but its advisable to have only one person animating.

How much and till what stage was Aamir's involvement?
Till storyboarding stage and animatics Aamir was involved. Also given the tight deadlines and amount of work approval for every little things was not advisable. He gave us a lot of freedom and trusted our capabilities.

Also others were involved that is
compositing- tata Elxsi
Negative making- Prime Focus.

Is there any specialized training available in India pertaining to claymation?
No as of now there is no specialized training available in claymation alone, but students could refer to books by Aardman, Focal press, look up work at Famous studios and also look up courses offered at colleges like NID.

What clay to use?
The polymer clay by Kores is decent.

Can we have a mock studio at home?
Oh yes, the softwares which i used are monkey jam- free software, flipbook and you need a web cam to capture images, and a glass surface or some such where you can lay your scenes while shooting and you can begin.

What were the challenges you faced?
We worked on such a high resolution (for cinema, usually its TV broadcast) for the first time hence it was quite unsettling the idea of everything- mistakes included to blow up so many times and become obvious on the screen so the quality of work had to be really really fine. And since this was pretty much unexplored a treatment there were no ready references available to fall back on...sometimes we just couldn't anticipate the problems before hand making it initially problematic.

Why did you lay the purple whale on a red background and not on green?
Whatever colours are present in your model should not be there in the background, so to avoid the blue in whale and green from clashing red was used - also red was already made for another sequence so saved time :D

We noticed some shiny clay models amidst the other matte models, how did you achieve the shiny effect?
Use glycerin, or lubricant gels like even transparent hair gel etc.
Eyes with shine were not made from clay we instead used cod liver oil pills.
There was rain. dew drops shown there which looked like water again they were not made with clay there were made using the drops from an electric glue gun- which is basically melted plastic.

Why was clay 2D chosen over 3d cg models as a medium?
Aamir wanted the hand made feel, the texture ec and 3D would be too mechanical for the requirement.

When you work with clay, what precautions to take?
Clay catches dust easily so once models are made keep them in a cool, safe place wrapped in a cling film.
Use thin aluminum wires for inside armature whenever needed.
If your clay model is becoming too heavy achieve the shape in thermocol and cover that with a layer of clay so it looks like a clay model but is actually much lighter.

You worked on this as a team with Vishal, arvind, harshad modelling, satyprakash on lights and you animating...so how easy or difficult is it to keep the uniformity in the whole process considering different people are making on different models...were they any creative differences? How did you deal with all that?
All the creative differences were filtered out at the approval stage so it was easy working also because they are like a family now...i have complete faith in their capabilities.
Harshad: One funny thing about maintaining uniformity- the models i made would turn out matte while the ones made by Vishal were always shinier so there were times when i would make the model and ask him to retouch it and make shiny :D
Also on one occasion i made this blue elephant which in the animation rises but then eventually falls- it unconsciously ofcourse had this resemblance to a political symbol...and that for an Aamir Khan movie would mean disaster...kaka noticed it and changed the colour of it and all was well :D

How is storyboarding different for claymation than 2D animation?
There is not much difference really, only thing is you need to anticipate whether your visualization is possible in the technique you are planning to use. The pluses and minuses of the medium along with the capabilities of animator. should all be carefully considered before you embark on further journey.

Why did you apply the cut out sort of a style to claymation instead of making it all in 3D?
Making those sets, big setup, more space, more time were all luxuries we couldn't have been able to afford with tight deadlines and other constraints. Plus because of applying this cut out kinda style i did not have to bother with gravity as one of the issues had the models etc been all 3D making them fly and swim...(the play of gravity) would have complicated matters so it was indeed a blessing.

Questions answered / tips given by Vaibhav:

It always makes more sense to hear a script already read/ dubbed by actors with feelings in them aids visualization.
Preproduction- homework till animatics stage must be very clear, defined and completed first so that process becomes better.

How many inbetweens, how close or how far are they from the key frame is all termed as ladder.

What are the stages in 2D classical animation?

Drawings in stages made.
scanning
Inking and painting
Adding shadows.
Finally bringing it all the drawing + inking and painting + shadows together to start animating.

For 3x9 sequence getting Ishaan to fly in the sky with a sky that looked dynamic and not flat was bit of a challenge...hence we mapped streaks of colour, asteroids and other elements created in photoshop onto a cylinder made in MAYA.

We initially had used black outlines everywhere but after animating noticed that they were looking stark- hence darker blue was used.

For colour corrections we had to sit with the compositing guys and tell them about intensity of each colour...

Kala Ghoda

2009-04-05T09:37:00.001-07:00

Zoka

2009-04-05T09:15:00.000-07:00

Aaj pahilyandach ganyacha class madhe aswatha hote. Boltana khota bolta yeta...gatana khota gata nahi ala mala. Manat je hota te chehryavar umatla. Pan asehi divas astat.

Sandhyakali lakeside la parat gana suru kela...aajchya class cha vishesh kahi jamat nhavta karan ardha laksha nhavta pan magchya classes cha athvat hota...te gaat rahile agdi man halka hoi paryant. Shweta madam cha awaaj khoop goad ahe. Tya hi khup goad ahet. Ya semester cha shevatcha class. Mi toh suru hoi paryant miss kareen, bahuda...

Class madhe patkan athavla "zoka" ya majhya favourite serial cha title song sudha classical ahe. Aaj te kitti tari varshani parat aikla ani jasta maja ali. Thank you madam, thank you ashutosh/ aniruddha/ IIT B

Inkplay

2009-04-01T13:06:00.001-07:00

Wherez.that.gurl?

2009-03-26T11:38:00.000-07:00

Flowers

2009-03-09T03:40:00.001-07:00

Divine intervention

2009-03-08T01:23:00.000-08:00

Yea tis was Goddess and moi who headed to Chor Bazzar on saturday morning. For me it was a constipated visit because i wanted to get click happy but constantly feared being robbed. Ended up barely ckicking anything. Then started rushing Goddess to finish her shopping/ looking. Abandoned her midway near Himalaya stationery mart and proceeded home. BTW hostel election results are out. Congratulations and hope to have a great year ahead with newly elected council members. More sooner. Presenting our game design tomorrow and a poster that never was or atleast hasn't been so far. Wish me luck! One Tshirt design delivered another one to go. Waiting in anticipation as to how it looks once it is out. My first ever Tshirt design. Fingers crossed, toes too!

Articles @ coroflot

2009-02-23T01:52:00.000-08:00

The clever creative languishing

How to get an entry level job/ iternship

Talent vs persistence debate

Some really cool articles, to put aside self-doubt and working towards getting better at whatever is it that you wish to do.

My latest non-acad crush!

2009-02-01T01:32:00.000-08:00

I discovered him so late but what the heck! He is awesome....the way he sounds, what he sings about, his website His performance videos on you tube. Everything and more...won't go ga ga about him...Check him out yourself!

Suddenly something

2009-01-31T02:26:00.000-08:00

I would see him off and on. On the baski court or while he was headed to his department or something. Then I saw him again- on my way to lakeside for a midnight stroll trying to balance a large cappuccino in one hand, pack of biscuits in other. Just praying that the dogs wouldn't chase after me. I quietly kept walking behind him. I did not know him se so there was no way i was going to say hi or offer him biscuits may be....Somewhere around Gulu he disappeared i was spooked may be i hallucinated or something. I reached lakeside- sat on one of those concrete slab benches. i often come here- alone and lonely. Something stupid inside me gets a lot of pleasure seeing people stroll hand in hand- in love and happy. Something stupid tells me I was them once and maybe I would be them once again someday.

I started sipping my coffee and munching on my extra sweet strawberry biscuits. Cell phone came in handy with Aerosmith's "Don't wanna miss a thing" playing. I made sure nobody was around and started singing to it. Just loud enough to fill the space around me but not upset the guard and the couples in the vicinity. There is something magical about this song. If you listen to it you can't help but get mushy and have those super warm feelings in heart and a few butterflies in the tummy. The next song that played was "It must have been love" by Roxette. This song reminds me of past but i still listen to it. The singing grew louder. Well how do I know? I know because the guy I mentioned appeared from nowhere and said- "You have a decent voice but you are singing flat- pitch naam ki koi cheez hoti hai" Now multiple things happened as this guy was speaking to me- I noticed that he looks much better from closer by than he did on the baski court, he had a stud jacket on, he had a guitar which I had not been able to see earlier on. I wasn't sure what to say- so I simply said "In a mood to give fundae?" He sat down next to me on the slab. Now lets freeze this frame. The point is I have come to lakeside countless times, done my thing and left- not a soul in the world knowing about it. Tonight was supposed to be a similar night right....so where does this guy come from...
"Umm, so you be a B.Tech?"
He grinned- "actually a PhD"
"Shit sorry, couldn't guess plus I have seen you on the court with BTechs so thought...."
"Yea, dept. juniors"
"I have been to so many music events at insti but I have never seen you play or sing or anything...You don't like competitions kya?"
"aisa kuch nahi...khud ke liye bajata hoon bass..."
"Oh, i see...hmm...so yea, lets begin with the Fundae session...if you feel like it"
"Sure listen to this and try singing according to what you hear being played on the guitar"
An hour and half later, he had tried though in vain to get fundae into my brains. It was almost 1:20 am in my cell phone. I had had too much fun...I have never sung like this outside my bathroom I mean, specially with somebody on the guitar. It was fun. He named like a dozen names asking me if I listen to them- I knew around four. I told him about loving guitaring in Parikrama song "But it rained" and one in Poets of Fall song "Carnival of rust". He spoke at length about his growing up days' guitaring influences. The session had ended with us singing Comfortably Numb on the guitar. It was too much fun. I realised in that whole process I had completely forgotten to have my coffee. Ended up drinking the normalized version of a hot cappuccino.

Another realization hit me, that i had become too friendly too fast. I could hear voices of mum and dad saying "what's wrong with you, leave NOW" I hear Jhumpi's voice saying "Have fun dude, anything to rise above your cribby self"

Getting up I said-
"God, its really late, if the guard sees us he is going to yell at us and I cant afford to have my I-card confiscated. Lets leave...."
He said- "if you want to leave. Lets leave. But if you are worried the guards might bother us, then no need to worry as it is its extremely difficult to make out that you are really a girl, he is going to think of us as two frustu boys whiling time away- why would you get your hair cut so short anyway? Its perhaps shorter than mine!"
Suddenly I wanted to tell him- why I wanted a new hair cut, a new life symbolic of the new me. Blah blah. And I did! Horror of horrors- i spent the next 40 mins or so ranting about a relationship that once was and how I wanted to move on....blah blah....blah and I did.

To which he said- whoa that is too much info for one night, hehe. I turned a shade of purple out of embarrassment. "Its ok, all of us go through this, you don't have to feel dumb about it" He then proceeded to tell me about his own escapades in the "bio-chemistry" department...that's what NAT GEO and Discovery demystified it to be a bunch of biological reactions happening in your brains owing to release of certain chemicals! Suddenly I was feeling not so screwed up in life.

It was almost 2:30 am by now...And though I was having too much fun talking to this guy- I had to leave we had morning lecture the next day and going late to class means shelling out a fine of Rs 30 that will eventually buy the whole class Pizzas or some such! We got up and I suggested the "convo ke peeche waala rasta" where in we wont encounter the guards...For some reason I have had dreams about the guards confiscating my I-cards and me not being able to go to liby or sports room because of it. After trying to convince me that I don't need to worry we eventually did it my way. when we came near convocation hall- i tried to act smart and brave by saying...."kitna daravana andhera hai, boat house chale ya tumhe darr lagega hehehe" It was not the funniest thing that came out of my mouth I realised later- because he simply said "chalo" and then I had to go to Boathouse at around 2:45 am-ish just because of my bright idea.

On our way down that grassy and stony trail that leads to boathouse....it was extremely poor light and too many stones underneath my feet which made me lose balance every now and then. At one particular point I lost balance and was going to crash straight into a ditch or something on the way when he grabbed my hand helped me get back- "Its ok, nahi girogi-pakad liya hai"
I dunno if its some of that basic instinct shit that kicked in or what...but it was too nice holding his hand I mean-I had no intentions of letting it go. But the political correct self I was I did let go of his hand....I was hoping somehow that he sort of reads whats on my mind....But alas- we reached boat house...and not much conversation took place on the way.

I did not know how to break the silence at this juncture...suddenly started talking about courses at IDC he said he wanted to take up the photo communication one. He then told me about the kind of work he does....at his department et al. His plans after PHd I mentioned mine after MDes. The conversation was flowing nicely and was pretty "antiseptic" if I may call it that. Out of the blue- I asked him...."So...Girlfriends?" There was a long pause after which he said "Thi ek...long time back". "Like when...how long back?" I persisted. He said 11th std. I burst out laughing.....thats been like centuries....Never felt like moving on and finding someone new? "Isn't this too personal a question- coming from a complete stranger on the very first meeting" Something inside me snapped- I shot back "Well, that makes me wonder what are strangers, on first ever visit doing at lakeside at this God forsaken hour anyway...." Suddenly he realised what he had done...."I did not mean that....load mat le!" Call me despo or whatever...but i took this opportunity to let him know that I had taken a shine to him...to which he replied..."well i thought i would have to really try hard to strike up a conversation with you....baski court seemed a good place but c'mon not in front of my juniors...." "You mean....you..." I did not finish the sentence ; i did not have to. By this time he had umm sort of planted a semi-kiss on my forehead. In my head I went damn...no aerosmith playing in the background....ever since I heard that one...thats the song that I wanted to play in the background when the "first kiss" happened. No such romantic sho sha happened. I was disappointed. "Thanks" I said. "Sure", he said. On our way back we held hands. Awesomeness to the power of infinity. He dropped me off to SH. Now freeze this frame. I use to always ridicule all such girlfriend- boyfriend events that would happen near SH....but now that I was in the same boat- something came over me and I kissed him goodnight- shocker of shocks on the lips this time. He looked blank for a moment and then went "whoa...Okayyyyy....Easy girl" "No worries! I am not going to say get committed, call me up everyday, bring choclates/ flowers. I am not going to say any of that, what I would say instead is that this is the most brilliant time I have had since I came to insti. And I dont really care if this was our first and last one night stand" "Don't use that language kiddo...what should we call tonight...well why bother...if this is meant to go somewhere it will. See you on court tomorrow evening." "Sure, nighto!" It was indeed a night to remember. Not sure if my folks agree though!

If you stand for nothing you fall for everything

2009-01-25T10:31:00.000-08:00

A hairy monkey to cuddle.
Grey hair, peeking though black.
A body that is starved, perhaps.
A mind that seeks- fresh expression.
A lemon waiting to be squeezed,
creative juices flowing...down the drain.
A girl that seeks the "right" guy.
A daughter who misses her mother.
A student fighting stagnation.

Semantics and communication theory

2009-01-19T12:19:00.000-08:00

I have never done this before...borrowed from my classroom stuff to put up here. But today our first part of our semantics and communication theory module for the semester ended. I am going to miss it. We did fun stuff like record radio show explaining kids about photosynthesis. Later made a TV spot for the same. To find out how communication can be better designed syntax wise and content wise so as to aid understanding, retention and recall on part of the audience; here students between the ages 7 to 12 yrs was eyeopening indeed.

I want to publicly thank Mandar sir for the lengths he goes to to ensure we have fun in our module with whatever he is dishing out. The way he designs even the assignments- the whole class interacts and there's collective learning involved. Too much fun I say. Acads ki bilkul feel agayi.

Some fundae from the classroom:

Define communication designed well - A well designed communication is said to have happened when A sends a message to B and B acts accordingly leading to some kind of action or effect as desired by A.
Good messages have good structure.
When you structure information differently, the recall changes.
We alternate between quick scan and detailed vision mode.
Analogies used to code a message come from the content.
Not all information that is perceived is processed.

There are more fundae in pipe line. Keep watching this space. Meanwhile, reading recommendations on communication theory and semantics welcomed!

Parallel Universe

2008-12-29T11:15:00.000-08:00

We exist in parallel universes,
apparently!
If you try hard-
you might see from one to the other!
But why waste time? Effort? Energy?

A verse,
about my universe-
I discovered a little me,
on a land so new...
travel mere- it was but not!
Me a destiny's child-
so what?
Serendipity- in thou I believe a lot!

Chance encounters...yield so much
the mind craves not for what once was-
But suppression is unhealthy,
so I come to terms-
with all that which once was

And spake the seer,
with wisdom infinite...
let it be a parallel universe!
So me chooses to be right here-
In my own universe with this verse!

I

2008-12-29T10:05:00.000-08:00

want to
learn flash
learn HTML
get back to sketching
play baski
revise synth stuff
learn guitar
read more
travel more

need to
manage time
manage people
manage my emotions
protect myself
be open minded
maintain/ groom myself better

mom tonight of all nights i wanted to sleep - cuddled up, next to you....i miss you....like hell. mebbe will come home for new year's. Losa love, u too dad- beneath the ever argumentative kid of yours is a very fragile girl- who offends to defend most of the time. Love you both and miss you as well. Will catch you guys sooner than later.

Kala Raksha

2008-12-28T05:59:00.001-08:00

I had heard this name from Divya, my senior at iVolunteer ages ago. Wanted to visit it for two years now. Finally it happened this winter. I was not very sure about going by myself so asked around. But friends had already made up their own plans and alas I went alone! Thanks dad for sponsoring the entire trip- along with AC travel (such a luxury compared to my trips so far). Landed up at Kala Raksha Vidyalaya on 19th of December. Luckily, Prof Ashok Chatterjee, formerly with NID was on the same train and we rode to Kala Raksha together. Kala Raksha Vidyalaya (KRV) is far far away from civilization, in quiet little village called Tunda Wandh. On the way we spoke of amongst many things my goals/plans post M.Des at IDC. I told him I was keen on going into the social sector. To which he advised- I must decide what sphere I want to work in- livelihoods, education, environment etc. I told him how I would take up an opportunity that combines travel + rural India + design in that order. I was almost apologetic about my "reverse-engineered" approach but that's how the picture is in my mind for now.

Anyway, once I was at KRV I met the Mela coordinator Mr. Ghatit Laheru- he has been very helpful all along. Had it not been for him, I wouldn't have visited this place at all. Thank You once again sir. I asked him if he could give me some work to do and also requested him to accommodate me on the KRV campus- instead of me having to find an accommodation in some fancy hotel and having to spend too much time traveling to and fro! He obliged! So after breakfast and a look around the whole place- i interacted with graduating students- asked them about their collections so on and so forth. By the time I had my lunch that day I had already made some friends and was attempting to speak to the older women in Gujarati- which obviously needs lots of polishing!

Post Lunch- i continued interacting with the students when Laheruji informed me that i would probably be required to help backstage for the Fashion Show- in which the students were displaying their graduation collections. I was thrilled- to be given a responsibility and took it on. Did some pre-fashion show work like printing out name labels for collections, making sure all students were ready with their showcase stuff and that it was neatly packed and ready to go (backstage i mean). Around 6ish we took all the stuff backstage, arranged outfits as per the sequence decided by choreographer (Utsav Dholakia) along with me was the other student volunteer from IICD Jaipur, Prerna- she was amazingly calm through the whole thing! Really admired her for that and alas the models- most of them from Mumbai- yay! Constantly worked for the next four hours or more...helping them get in and out of the costumes et al. Fixing bugs if any interms of fittings. The fashion show ended with Malika Sarabhai walking the ramp wearing the showstopping outfit. Helped her get ready and spoke to her in the mean time. It was great! Overall my first ever experience working backstage at a fashion show. Its too much work and running around and loads of fun all at the same time. Thoroughly enjoyed it!

Next day was comparatively slower as there was no responsibility given to me. The Mumbaite in me was getting really grumpy over the sudden slowing down to the point where me and a girl I met the previous night (Stina, from Sweden- Fashion and textile background) decided to take off by ourselves to villages nearby where in artisans hail from and work. I was getting really impatient- when we met another group of girls from NIFT, JNU and New zealand respectively who were also touring villages et al. They let us join them and we went to a village called Bhujodi next.

Bhujodi was awesome! We visited a national award winning weaver called Vankar (thats the surname) Theirs was a joint family and an awesome one at that. The whole family was into weaving- with roles etched out for each family member. Theirs was a self-sufficient unit I mean they had everything that they would need in their own house right from cattle to the looms for weaving. They sell some excellent stuff priced reasonably. They even offered us dinner. They were very gracious hosts and spoke to us about lots of things- about being artisans, turned entrepreneurs, about earthquake and how they had gotten their lives together after that. About their further plans and the upcoming exhibition they are participating in at Sunderbhai Hall- Mumbai. They even showed us how they weave on their looms. After seeing the amount of hadr work that goes into it suddenly the prices seemed very justified and reasonable. After a sumptuous dinner we realised we had no place to stay so went to this place in Bhuj which this family had recommended. Gangaram Lodge. The problem was we had taken that room for Rs 500 a night and it seemed overpriced and not upto the mark. But we had little choice at 11 in the night. So we took it up. Split the fare amongst the two (me and stina) whereas rest of the group proceeded to their cousins'.

Next day we found our way to the bus depot and took an ST to a village called Ajrakhpur- famous for Bandhani and block printing. Each and every family in the village do either of the two. One of the KRV students I had interacted with had his house there. Went to his place- spoke to his father about block printing et al- saw it happening at another family's workshop as well as at KRV demos the previous day. Purchased a few fabrics- was offered lunch...happily accepted and returned to Bhuj city around 4ish well fed. Stina's appetite for discovering the place and market still prevailed hence roamed around the bazaar. All of it was shut- it being a Sunday everything shuts down by 2 it seems...to a Mumbaikar that seemed strange almost painful. Then Stina's persistence to roam payed off we discovered this shop called Senorita- awesome place amazing fabrics and collections from all the communities in Bhuj. Slightly expensive for a stingy IIT student but quite reasonably priced at the same time. Plus the shop owner aunt was very sweet- offered us tea, sweets told us of a better place to stay. All in all whatever little shopping I did, I was pleased with that. Headed to the expensive hotel room- packed up. Left for station around 6ish for a 10:15 pm train. It was a good idea as Stina who pre-poned her departure by one night was able to figure the whole Tatkal thing out and got a place on the same train as me.

It was freezing cold in the night. Train came. We got in. Slept....for the longest time. Stina got off at Ahemdabad which must have happened in the wee hours of morning! Left me an sms goodbye. I returned to my place. Safe one piece! Hallelujah!

Keywords-
Communities of artisans- kutchi rabari, debariya rabari, Ahirs, Khataris et al.
Places to stay for stingy traveller- City lodge, bhuj.
Places to visit- Kala Raksha Vidyalaya (Tuda wandh), Kala Raksha NGO campus (Sumrasar) All the villages on the art-craft-textile fashion map....will populate the list sooner.
Eat at- All the artisan's houses if you are offered make sure you buy from them too. Definitely eat at the BHUJ bus depot canteen- that uncle is very nice will give you all the needed info.
Shop- at the artisans' homes and Senorita in Bhuj.

Mine was a three day stay thus, the info and opinions I have offered are limited in nature. I have a few cards et al of artisans...buzz me if you want any info. What the students were upto in that one year at KRV...well that will follow in subsequent post.

Winter at SH

2008-12-05T09:01:00.000-08:00

Not much of a winter in Mumbai as always. I chose to stay back; can always hop home wards if i feel too dull :) Asked my prof. for a design research project. He gave me one- topic revolves around sustainability. Will start with it. Have seen quite a few movies in last 2 or 3 days- documentaries-
India Untouched, Che Guevara (Discovery channel), films like The pursuit of happyness, A beautiful mind, Basic Instinct (did not understander that one is he the killer finally or not??) A marathi mvie called shubha mangal savadha (giveup of sorts...save for laughs in between) Hazaron Khwaishe Aisi (Godmax movie) So yea, ideas and things have been floating in my head. Saw this documentary by discovery channel on the Adult entertainment industry...and realised there are anthropologists studying sexual behaviours and some of the methods used for this study are quite amazing really. Took up an MI related project for a span of 7 hours i believe...was supposed to work with some other person on that one and it looked impossible to finish as in it came to me pretty last minute and also i felt that our ideas would conflict big time...so asked him to do it on his own....as a byproduct ended up reading about retro culture....Was amazed at the fact that how little i have in terms of sense of the times that have been as in...when i started reading about what India, US were like in the sixties i realised i did not have much of an idea...save for some names from the music industry was completely clueless in terms of political history and happenings. Hazaron Khwaishe was seen by me at the right time i guess....sorta completed the 60s puzzle in my head. I got to read a lot. There's lots i dunno and it would be nice to catch up with that. meanwhile...since i am now convinced as to how important planning out time and goals are i suppose it would be nice to have some framework in pace. Kalaraksha convocation happens at the same time as MI lets see which one do i manage attending. That's all. Gnite!

Yet again

2008-11-26T12:00:00.000-08:00

I don't want to say much the news channels are doing their job. My dad works near Vidhan Bhavan, very close to Oberoi hotel. :| He left earlier than usual today, he was home when things started going wrong...he called up. I heard him went back to my assignments as if nothing happened. Then i went to the TV room, while eating noodles that is and i had nothing else to do...saw it on AAJTAK (c'mon wherelse?) and then it sort of started sinking in...the magnitude of attack....it could have been someone close to me....half the uncles and aunties i know work in that area...apparently a terrorist was arrested from girgaon....i was born in that industrial chawl infested place some 23 years ago....news, more news....of firing, attack, blood and gore, arrests. I am sure the people will board their 9:07 or 9;42 or wotever it is that they take and be at their work places in and around Mumbai first thig in the morning. Brave mumbai (will be the national applause)....i say Save Mumbai....i wish i knew how though! I am doing what i aways do....lip sympathy, prayers....thats all.

That's me

2008-11-20T00:02:00.000-08:00

Suddenly sulki

2008-11-12T09:52:00.000-08:00

"Maar do mujhe bas mar jaane do, mujhe nahi rehna is tarah" me and my roomie were in the room when i heard sobs and hysterical screams from the floor below- my first thought was how easy it is to jump off a staff hostel balcony...my second thought was damn...is somebody up to some such thing?

Lately instances of girls sobbing into their cell phones late into the night, fighting on phone et al seemed to have increased or may be since i haven't been in a relationship for about a year I find it easier to look at it without personal biases interfering! I went and checked on the girl in question ...things have got pretty complicated for her i realised after listening to her story, God give her strength to deal with them.

Meanwhile, i figured out how after the initial busy rush of first two months ended my mind sort of diverted and drifted back to square one where I wanted to restore a relationship I was once a part of. To add to it f0ur days of consciously siting down and figuring out what is it that i want/ miss/ need- in form of human process lab had not made things any easier. After those initial two months of mad rush I was going back into my shell deeper and deeper. Sort of becoming a recluse for those in the department who don't know me that well. A work shirker to some of the faculty members, and goodness knows what else to all the hostel mates whose invitations of participating in this or that activity i had spurned owing to not feeling "up to it".

I wasted so much time even after getting here thinking about all the losses i have mourned for a year now. Things seemed to have not improved at all. I was doing everything except what i was supposed to do and would have done had I followed a plan I designed for myself not too long ago. There is a lot to do inside a campus like this.

But then, despite of being amidst such hustle and bustle, I kept feeling very very lonely, time and again. I discovered how many kids smoke here- why do they do that? Stress/ Kewlness, i am not too sure. There is definitely pressure on everybody but have they figured out the right ways to deal with it?

In a masters program everybody comes in with very well defined objectives...so were mine at least in my SOP so what was stopping me from doing and achieving all that all this while? I had no answer to this question. But of course i was not giving my best to anything whether to acads or even hobbies. I would just while away time brooding and feeling sorry for myself.

But today when i heard that girl scream in pain, it was my reality check! Madhumanti had exclaimed in the mess how we lack the right kind of support systems to deal with personal problems like these.

I have not been myself since I came here, in the sense that I have been very apologetic about who I am. Since i haven't had a love life that once was for a year now...i kept feeling there is something horribly wrong with me, it was my fault- they were my shortcomings etc. I have been very harsh on myself. I haven't allowed myself to forget anything, consequently i haven't allowed myself to heal!

Last week i got caught up with something even more complicated i was practically falling in and out of love everyday with a new person. "Why this desperation to be in a relationship? What kind of lost balance was i trying to restore by doing this? What's the hurry?" Goddess's stance had asked me these questions at the right time- suddenly i was grateful that i broke up last year before CEED and though it put me under tremendous stress just before one of the most important exams ever, its better than being under that kind of stress and living in this campus. Suddenly i was grateful that though now i don't have a comfort corner called boyfriend at least the girl screaming downstairs wasn't me.

I admit boyfriends are not the only comfort corners though they are a great support and source of love. The very fact as to how my previous relationship had ended told me that probably I am not matured enough to handle something like this. Or probably i am not tough enough to be playing mind games and sustaining my sanity! Suddenly it seems ok to not have a boyfriend. Suddenly it seems ok to go for walks all alone to the lakeside. Suddenly it also seems okay to have huge gaps left in my life...suddenly i want to allow myself to heal first, before i jump into something else.

I had never let ago and that's a mighty shame considering we aren't exactly friendly these days! He was rude and unreasonable...the way he spoke to me yesterday but then i guess i asked for it by contacting him in the first place! Shhhsh silence- i don't want to be thinking about anything- those eight months or the twelve months that followed that were spent mourning the eight months, all the sleepless nights when i had practically cried my eyes sore. All the pain on my side and am sure on his side too. Suddenly i don't want any of it. Its ok the way it is. I need to pick up pieces of my life though- the acad ones at least because that has been the most affected aspect in this whole process!

A strong sense of deja-vu prevails about the thought of becoming suddenly sulki! But that's what it is!

Detox

2008-11-12T01:01:00.000-08:00

Its been a year almost...
its time to celebrate...
goodbye!

Diwali and all that.

2008-11-01T11:31:00.000-07:00

Diwali mhatla ki majha marathmole pana parat jagrut hoto ani mhanun hi post marathit. Sutti ali IITla gachanti dili temp ofcourse; ani madam ghari paratlya dhobi ghaat gheun. Ghari gelyavar aaila long pending mithi maarli dhobi ghaat aaivar sopavla (how convenient!) ani madam masta tv pudhe basoon day dream karu laglya... madamna 2005 syndrome che nave symptoms parat janvat hote. Tya ghabarlya....aishapath he kai naveen ani divas ratr toch vichar kasa? Asot....Dusrya divshi mhanje Dhanteras la building madhe puja hoti...madam pan samil jhalya...rangoli, phul-haar banavne vagare. Masta experience hota to...pahilyanda shezari vagare kon rahtat tyanchya barobar decent interaction jhala...maja ali...sandhyakali salwaar kameez vagare ghalun agdi sojwal traditional porgi banoon madam pujet samil jhalya...masta prasad khalla khup maja ali!
LaxmiPujan: Madam ni uthun anghol keli hech motha...aila eka paishyachi madat na karta madam parat tv pudhe basoon hotya, mad internet cha "Jugaad" lavla....tyanantar pc samor basoon hotya...mag tyana athavla aplya lappy var Requiem for a dream ahe....toh sudha pahila...
Khana, peena, jhopna ani tv/lappy/pc giri karna. Adhum nadhun pending abhyaas athvat hota pan completely ignore kela tyala....
Padva- Central madhli kharedi upyogi padli...
Bhaubeez....varadla ovala....
Sutti sampli...aai babancha hatta mhanun IITla yenya aivaji tyanchya barobar shopping la gele...infi ghol ghatla babanshi khup bhandle....nehmiche nakhre pan Gajaleet masta jevlo hoto...shopping pan kela eventually- gruhapyogi vastooncha...divas mavalala....

Pudchya divshi means friday night la IIT finally becknoned and i could not resist! Parat ale...mess baghatach...dole panavle...mitra mitrinina "belated happy Diwali" mahnat, aaichya shabadat ani wild imagination pramane..."naveen lagna jhaleli mulgi maheri 4 divas ghalun sasari alya var je feel karte" tasa kahitari feeling hota....aajkal aai baryach gappagoshtincha connection somehow lagna barobar jodte...sarkha tila remind karava lagta...ajun khup avkash ahe...I am only 23 :P Asso! Nirlajja panacha kalas mhanun ki kai...Huma la 10:30 show madhe Rs 180 kharchun Fashion baghitla...front row seats ergonomically kiti pathetic astat he rahun rahun janvat hota...shivay majhya samor baslela public daru dhosun alela...tyacha vegla vaas ani through the movie trass tar hotach!

Shevtchya divshi eka sadhya incident ni 2005 syndrome che symptoms achanak gayab kele...velchya veli asa aushadh milaa ki prakruti bari rahte asa mhantat te agdi khara!

All in all back to IIT and IDC. Saturday began with an interaction with Mr. Sashidharan from MSU Baroda, fundoo man fundooer work! Maja ali. Shivai Goddess Minerva va tyanchya boyfriend barobar gappa jhalya...doghe "Phenomenally cute" distat ektara! Asso!

Atta seminar sati literature review chya nava khali blogging che dhande karat ahe...Pan kai karu ek tari Diwai post "banti hai!"

Lotsa love and "Belated Happy Diwali"
ADU

Friends.

2008-10-20T11:17:00.000-07:00

How did i land up here? I certainly did not plan all this...it happened my be by chanced and the way i kept reacting to the situation prevailing at different points of my life. So when i come across people who planned to be here and thus are here and thus are very good at what they do i constantly feel this inferiror complex towards them. Plus if their pride and vaity keep showing every now and then it troubles me no end and i easily get caught betweeb whether i want to talk to them or not. Should i talk to them or not....my obvious thought is whenever i do talk ot them they make me feel so left out anyway so why bother talking to someone specially when it does not make you happy but infact bogs you down. Why do i rather not keep to myself? What's the need of having these so called friends? Opportunistic friendships forged purely for personal gains stink big time...and i wish to engage in no such relationships even if it means that it will cost me a few academic brownie points. If you are not clean in your heart we cannot be friends thats it period. There is nothing more to it. You can be the best artist in the whole world it doesnt faze me.

I dont claim to be the wisest one around- but i do understand that friendship is about love, tenderness, goodwill, support, faith and unconditional affection at all times; ofcourse it will be sprinked with fights here and there but what the heck? Its ok! Though i must admit that not everyone is the friendship for gains kind....i am sure there is atleast one genuine soul around if not more....i hope and am always surrounded by these good souls!

You guys have left this place, gone to US and yada but i mss you all so much and big time! Real big time! I took too long to realize the value of certain things in my life...in some cases it was too late....but neway i am learning to be on my own. Wish me luck!

When i stop to ponder...

2008-10-15T01:54:00.000-07:00

I Like For You to be Still

I like for you to be still: it is as though you were absent,

and you hear me from far away and my voice does not touch you.

It seems as though your eyes had flown away

and it seems that a kiss had sealed your mouth.

As all things are filled with my soul

you emerge from the things, filled with my soul.

You are like my soul, a butterfly of dream,

and you are like the word Melancholy.

I like for you to be still, and you seem far away.

It sounds as though you were lamenting, a butterfly cooing like a dove.

And you hear me from far away, and my voice does not reach you:

Let me come to be still in your silence.

And let me talk to you with your silence

that is bright as a lamp, simple as a ring.

You are like the night, with its stillness and constellations.

Your silence is that of a star, as remote and candid.

I like for you to be still: it is as though you were absent,

distant and full of sorrow as though you had died.

One word then, one smile, is enough.

And I am happy, happy that it's not true.

There is nothing like poetry and no one like Neruda...

It was strange i had made myself so helpless...and i was on my knees metaphorically ofcourse...begging wailing...in tears. These days whenever I am with myself and I ponder over how many new friends i have made here in the campus....the need to talk to you grows more acute. The more with others that i interact the more i miss the meaningful and the not so meaningful conversations we had. Its strange...how lonely one can feel amidst crowd or maybe its just a state of my mind....whatever....I have no right to badger you and i wont....though i secretly pray that ths painful cavity gets filled and i don't want to bother how. Maybe exceling at acads wil do the trick...maybe fullfiling conversations and time spent with parents may do the trick or the most unlikely of it all someday...your scars will heal and we will be as thick friends as we were. Right now calling us friends seems very farcial to me. And I wouldnt want eitherof us to acknowledge such a thing unless it truly exists.

To the times old and beautiful....
to the nice momens yet to come....

Cheers!

Pink Bra

2008-10-01T00:21:00.000-07:00

Buzz Buzz (phone vibrating on silent mode some arbit number)

Aditi: Hello....

Freshie Bachha: Hello Aditi, me Bachha bol raha hoon, us din apse me poster artwork legaya tha pendrive pe...aap se help chahiye..... (He sounds very tensed)

Aditi: Haan bolo, kya hai....

Freshie Bachha: Aap please mujhe kahin se ek pink bra jugaad ke doge?? Please, bohot important hai....please aap apne hostel me se kisike paas se bhi ek pink bra dilaa doge??

Aditi: Kuch sunayi nahi de raha me auto me hoon....pause.....Kya PINK BRA????? (WTF, Did he just say that....WTH...KFH)

Freshie Bachha: Dekho please, mujhe hunt ke liya chahiye....uske 200 points hai...itni raat ko me dukaan se bhi nahi khareed sakta....please......please......

Aditi: Are you insane? Is this some sorta prank? What the hell? Are you drunk or something?

Freshie Bachha: Sorry I am very sorry, but please aap mujhe kahi se dhoondke ke ek pink bra de do its very important....bohot saare points hai uske liye....

Aditi: Dude i am not about to knock on hostel doors looking for a pink bra...even if i have it i wudnt give it....what were you thinking when you called me huh?

Freshie Bachha: Sorry, I am very sorry....

Aditi: Cuts the line...

After 15 mins.

Buzz Buzz (phone vibrating on silent mode some arbit number)

Aditi: Hello....

Freshie Bachha: Hello Aditi, me Bachha bol raha hoon, us din apse me poster artwork legaya tha pendrive pe...aap se help chahiye..... (He sounds very tensed)

Aditi: Haan bolo, kya hai....

Freshie Bachha: Aap please mujhe kahin se ek pink bra jugaad ke doge?? Please, bohot important hai....please aap apne hostel me se kisike paas se bhi ek pink bra dilaa doge??

Aditi: Kuch sunayi nahi de raha me aut me hoon....pause.....Kya PINK BRA????? (WTF, Did he just say that....WTH...KFH)

Freshie Bachha: Dekho please, mujhe hunt ke liya chahiye....uske 200 points hai...itni raat ko me shop se bhi nahi khareed sakta....please......please......

Aditi: Are you insane? Is this some sorta prank? What the hell? Are you drunk or something?

Freshie Bachha: Sorry I am very sorry, but please aap mujhe kahi se dhoondke ke ek pink bra de do its very important....bohot saare points hai uske liye....

Aditi: Dude i am not about to knock on hostel doors looking for a pink bra...even if i have it i wudnt give it....what were you thinking when you called me huh?

Freshie Bachha: Sorry, I am very sorry....

Aditi: Woa...things that happen at insti...i cant believe theres a bachha calling me up in the middle of the night begging for a bra...a pink one at that (a colour i wudn't buy neway...gawd!)
Hehehe, i really don't know what to say....don't say sorry and all....but i can't be of much help....though i hope you find yourself a PINK BRA....best of luck!!!

Freshie Bachha: Hehehee, sorry and thank you!!!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I have abused in front of guys and all but never have i mentioned the words "pink bra" in a guy's presence till date....well theres always a first time lol! I hope he found the bra he wanted :D

Human Process Lab Experiment 1

2008-09-24T20:48:00.000-07:00

The human process lab says if you wish to express...you should freely do so! You should not hold back for trivial reasons. Well i saw you at British Council Library for the first time. I was done returning my books, paying a fine, getting new books almost on an autopilot mode. I was leaving and then i saw you. There you were you already had a stack of books with you and now you were browsing for music i guess.

I had this wild idea of letting you know how phenomenally cute you are...and i wrote you that note...i don't even know if it fell in the right pair of hands or rather was it read by the right pair of eyes but anyway!

Saw you second time and Max Muller the occasion was the play- Shakespeare and She. My heart proverbially missed a beat when i saw you there sitting on the steps... later you came and stood not very far from me. I was wondering if you had read the note and if you were reacting...of course i wanted to talk just ask trivial questions like... who you be? Where you come from? What do you do etc etc! But sigh! The shy me did no such thing.... of course after the play i had mustered up enough courage to come talk to you and i did sorta try following you but damn you just disappeared and i dont know where!

Anyway.... in the first place i don't think you found the note.... but just incase you did! Hey there... how are you? Drop me a line if you are that guy with spectacles... almost a desi harry potter i would say :)

You and I

2008-09-17T10:50:00.001-07:00

Its been a while

2008-09-04T22:34:00.000-07:00

Its been a while,

since i danced to a rain-song,

hummed myself a lullaby,

Heard my own voice in the head,

Sensed a clarity in my thoughts,

Its been a while....

Its been a while,

since i felt that strange warmth in my ears,

butterflies in my tummy,

a sense of belonging,

the mad rush of adventure,

its been a while...

Its been a while,

since i last articulated my thoughts,

my poems made sense,

my prose rung a bell,

i related to people,

its been a while...

adt@IDC

2008-09-01T06:36:00.000-07:00

Yay, writing after long long time. Finally feel like it. Well life at IDC is fast to say in the least. I men- hostel life in general. There are too many things to do and virtually no time. Blogging thus was my last priority. Saw Class of 84 yesterday. Had to be back at aditipagez to mention about it. Well in no mood to crit it, wont even offer my take. Will suffice to say 'twas a nice play.

Assignments took a backseat in this hostel life full of new found freedom and "no rules" existence. I am answerable to no one but self. Feels amazing, but definitely i got my priorities messed up now in the damage control mode. Play basky at times, go for long walks, alone is fun, company not too bad either. Baths are no more a daily agenda :P There is no clear demarcation between day and night, it might as well begin in the evening if you wake up at say 7 in the evening. For the longest time this is one place i have longed to be at for reasons right or wrong; but now that i am here- am i really doing all that i had aspired for? Well not really, i mean definitely not acads maybe other stuff.

Miss people like ritu, sudeep, insights offered by sushant and sango. Kartik and his food habits too. Somehow I have become comfortably numb. Would do me a lot of good if i wake up in time before its too late.

There is infi gossip at my end. You shall be updated. Later.

love,

Aditi.

The happier me.

2008-07-20T10:17:00.000-07:00

I abuse when needed.
I drink when I feel like.
I fold my denim full pants until they are three-fourths.
I wear Nike floaters/ sport shoes with kurtis and cargos! Unapologetically of course.
I have grown my hair long enough to get a decent short crop!
I go to my kinda places.
I go hangout with pals even when its raining.
When I work I really work.
I indulge- once in a while.
I tell myself how much i love me.
I have a funkier wardrobe.
I talk/ask without fear of sounding foolish.
I did away with a few parasites over the weekend.
I put my energies where they are really needed.
I have let go.
I am now the happier me.

Of Design research and ethnography.

2008-07-10T10:05:00.000-07:00

I have particularly ever since i remember loved to talk to people. I like to know the stories of people around me...i meet them in the trains, during bus journeys, heck even during my admission interviews. I simply love talking to friends, friends of friends and their friends too...i like to ask them questions that give me a slice of their life. Its amazing- the kind of stories that people tell you about how they landed their first job, or how they met their spouse or how they brought a MOFO to the book....the list is endless about what appeals to people, their perceptions, their views and their point of view of life.

I want to talk to as many people as I can and get to know them a little better. All this while i did not know this is actually an art and science. All this while I did not know where I could apply this love for gab and research...I mean I toyed around with public speaking, radio jockeying, debates, compering etc etc through workshops, competitions, events but it was not the same. All this stress continued and i kept feeling I am in the wrong field- (art and design) where i cannot use this love for gab and research. All this until i discovered ETHNOGRAPHY.

Suddenly i know I am in the right place. After I am done with my visual communication stint at IDC I would like to pursue Design Research at Institute of Design at IIT Chicago. That would mean utilizing these coming two years at IDC very well. I am really excited to have gotten through at IDC. I had visualized this for a long time since i was in 12Th standard. Through ups and downs, through days where my tempo picked up and dipped- I finally made it! Touch wood.

Finally, I am posting this video- hats off to everyone involved in the making of this video from Institute of Design at IIT Chicago. Its really inspiring!

Chaska lag gaya is gane ka

2008-07-08T04:21:00.002-07:00

Hindi Song Title: Dum Laga Laga Re Lagga Re
Hindi Movie/Album Name: DIL DOSTI ETC
Singer(s): SIDDHARTTH SUHAS, SURAJ JAGAN

Hindi Lyrics:
chasaka par taala lagata nahi, bheja yeh saala sunata nahi

chasaka par taala lagata nahi, toh kya karein
bheja yeh saala sunata nahi, toh kya karein
sar pe chadha hai yeh jid pe da hai, kida laga re laga
dum laga dum laga, laga re lagga re - 4
chasaka par taala lagata nahi.....

padhane likhane ko ghar waalon ne bheja tha humko
? puraane rat ratke yaaron phat gaye hum toh, apana kuchh nahi hoga
kaun hai saala panga lega kisame itana dum hai
is sheher ke naye collecter ?? hum hai
sar pe chadha hai yeh jid pe da hai, kida laga re laga
dum laga dum laga, laga re lagga re - 4

baar baar hum pyaar pyaar mein maar maar kyun khaatein hain
?? thokar neeli filmein dekhane kyun jaate hain
pyaar nahi tujhko pandit kuchh toh hai bimaari
abbe professor ki saali ko aankh kisne maari
sar pe chadha hai yeh jid pe da hai, kida laga re laga
dum laga dum laga, laga re lagga re - 4

sutta ki jugaad mein aadhi raat nikalate hain
desh prem mein talli hoke desi daaru pite hai
abbe sheksphere ki aulaad ?? piya kar
kaun hai saala panga lega kisame itana dum hai
is sheher ke naye collecter ?? hum hai
sar pe chadha hai yeh jid pe da hai, kida laga re laga
dum laga dum laga, laga re lagga re - 4
chasaka par taala lagata... chup be saale fausale
frustated, one sided lovers association

DILDOsti etc.

2008-07-07T22:20:00.000-07:00

I saw it. I loved it. Dil Dosti etc.

What i loved about that movie was its sheer nonchalance. That's how we the young really are right.? I don't want to judge all that is shown in that movie- in terms of hostel life, ragging, relationships, student politics etc etc but it sorta pretty much mirrors the lifestyles today's youth lead across different socio-economic backgrounds.

The movie appealed to me at multiple levels because i am hopefully about to embark on my own journey in a hostel (i hope the IITB acco Gods are smiling upon me and the benign hostel and mess managers consider my request ). It planted a thought in my head- the moral compass. Morals are relative right? What might be morally incorrect for me might just be a way of life for you or vice versa.

So in this age- when you do have the money, (ok even if it always runs out eventually) the freedom to chose how you live...does this moral compass cease to be or does it undergo any serious alterations?? I would want fellow hostelites to answer that questions and give me a few before and after scenarios.

I had been for some workshop which happened at a place in New Bombay- kids from all over India had come. Girls from Delhi were exceptionally pretty and they were stunned at the amount of freedom women in Mumbai enjoy in terms of stepping out by themselves at night and all that- "we would not think of it on Delhi streets you know" one had exclaimed. That with no parents or seniors to keep a constant watch on you meant there were too many pheromones in the air that time. In matter of three days i saw relationships form between kids from different parts of India who were meeting each other for the first time and probably would never see each other again beyond thos three days. Amazing na! We humans are amazing! What basis do such relationships have? Is it just a mere sexual attraction? Or do you get attracted to the way the other person thinks? Feels? Sees the world?

Speaking of relationships I am 22. Old enough to have a boyfriend and all that right. All around me- amongst my friends and their friends and friends of friends i just see people hooking up, breaking up, hooking up again in permutations combinations - Its indeed a very very small world.

Few questions in my head that the movie provided no answers to but none the less it let me know that there are no right or wrong answers; you as an individual take that call and live with the consequences....

1. When is it appropriate to kiss a guy you are seeing?
2. Are bearhugs bad? Immoral?
3. Will he/ she understand if i want to just cuddle but never go all the way?
4. Since i haven't managed any of the above does that make me a bore? Aunty/ behenji types?
5. Is it wrong if i take my relationship with some one seriously?
6. Is it just ok to flirt around with guys, when you don't want anything concrete in the end? Why would someone do that though?
7. How many of my friends are actually virgins?
8. Virginity of guy before marriage is just optional, for a girl however it is a must- who the fuck decided this?
9. If boys have fun- aww they are just being themselves...typical men; if girls have fun- "such a slut!!" WTF?
10. Sometimes I don't want to answer the following questions asked by my parents-
"Are you serious about him? Does this culminate into something concrete?
How can you just go out with a guy for fun without intending to marry him?
Or will you eventually? What does he think about it?"

My brain like Anti told me once "compartmentalizes things" so there is this acad compartment which has a long to do list to do...which keeps me on my mental toes...but there is this life & IPR department which has too many question marks right now and all the questions eventually boil down to a three lettered word...That or the probably the lack of it may create havoc i had been warned earlier on...i never believed it. I mean how can something that I have never experienced get in my way and rob me of my mind's peace? But it came from a trusty source and i hate to admit this to myself but probably that person was right. I hope the acad department conquers the IPR department and everything falls into the place.

Meanwhile, i wanted to make this a purely DIL DOSTI ETC blog but ended up ranting as usual.
Awesome movie...Prakash Jha, Manish Tiwary...everyone associated- hats off! The biggest lesson that I learnt from this movie was- Everybody formulates their own moral compass and you don't have to confirm to anyone else's but your own. Anyone includes your parents, friends etc. And you will learn from your mistakes so there is is no point being scared of them. There will be a variety of people i will meet on the way...sluts, muggus, parasites, best friends, boyfriends yada yada from each person I will learn something. I need to be a sponge and absorb it all. Every experience- good or bad will teach me something new. They say our generation is indifferent...we have no shame, no morals, we don't listen to our elders. That's not true- at most we like to experience things ourselves and form our own opinions/ judgements based on that, than blindly accept what's being told to us. Yes in that process we do make mistakes but its never a perfect life is it? We are not indifferent, its just the differential tolerance levels to various issues.

Does it still answer my question? I am 22 is ok to kiss a guy? Well, we will cross the bridge, when we come to it- till then have fun but be responsible!

PS: Jhepel tevdhach khara...ithe overconfidence noko | Indulge if you can handle the consequences not for those with weak hearts.
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The credit for the pun in the title goes to Abhinav Sah. Ekta's Friend.

John Thackara: We Are All Emerging Economies Now

2008-07-02T20:37:00.000-07:00

I recently received an invitation to discuss design and development with a wonderful group of design peers in a beautiful location. But I have decided to decline the invitation. Why?

It is my growing conviction that, as designers, we can usually do more good in our own backyards than in foreign parts. It is, in principle, great that many colleagues donate their time and expertise to projects such as $100 laptops, emergency shelter, and mobile hospitals. But I can't get it out of my mind that I personally, along with most other US or European citizens, emit as much CO₂ in one day as someone in Tanzania does in seven months. And if I go as a tourist, even an eco one, I'll use as much water in 24 hours as a villager who lives there, uses in 100 days.

Who needs whose help here?

I say we can do more good at home than abroad — not that we can do no good. Our skills and connections can, of course, be valuable to people in other places than our own. But if we are to exchange value — rather than just take it, like cultural tourists — what do we have to offer?

In theory, a designer's fresh eyes can reveal hidden value and thus mobilize otherwise neglected or hidden local resources. But, in practice, this hardly ever happens. The vast majority of designers go somewhere different, are inspired and stimulated and maybe even humbled by the experience — but leave without turning their insights into value that local people can use. The exchange ends up being one-way in favor of the visitor.

I am also troubled by the words "poverty alleviation." Those words — like the word "development" — imply, to me, anyway, that we advanced people in the North are under some kind of moral obligation to help backward people in the South "catch up" with our own advanced condition.

Hmmm.

Poverty is a real enough challenge for half of the world's population, but in many cases it's caused by patterns of development exported from and imposed by, the North.

Besides, I'm not convinced, when it comes to things like food, water and shelter, that designers from the North can add a gigantic amount to what grassroots organizations and NGOs are already doing.

The most powerful lesson for me, after 20 years working as a visitor on projects in India and South Asia, is that we have more to learn from smart poor people on things like ecology, connectivity, devices and infrastructures, than they have to learn from us.

I’ve never forgotten the time when Jogi Panghaal, one of Doors of Perception’s co-founders, took me to a sleepy hamlet an hour from Bangalore. We encountered a group of villagers standing around a wide patch of ragi (a grain that is used to make dark bread) spread thinly over the road in a neat circle. Six chickens appeared to be eating up the grain, while the villagers watched and chatted. Why, I asked, don't you feed the grain in a bowl? The villagers laughed, and then explained that the chickens are eating tiny maggots, smaller than our eyes can see, which need to be removed from the grain before it can be stored. It's a smart, low-tech solution to a practical issue faced by farmers everywhere. But when I recently Googled "clean bugs from grain," the first link was to the "Opico Model 595 Quiet Fan Batch Dryer With Sky-Vac Grain Cleaner." I can’t help but find this to be a clunker solution than hens in the street.

Big D development tends to view human, cultural and territorial assets — the people and ways of life that are already there — as impediments to progress and modernization. A huge development industry measures progress in terms of economic growth and increased consumption. This industry often assumes without question that urbanization and transport intensity are signs of progress. It tends to devalue human agency and often imposes solutions that replace people with technology, automation and “self service.” These ways of looking at the South from the North are the result of a wrongly-developed model from the perspective of sustainability.

And it has to be said: this wrong model is making many designers rich. Around the world, from Dubai to Pakistan, the worst excesses of development are fuelled by design “visions.” One Dubai property developer has teamed up with Giorgio Armani to build thirty hotels and resorts around the world. One of these design destinations will feature in a US$43 billion luxury development on two islands — Bhudal and Bhuddo — off Karachi. Government officials describe the islands as being "deserted": but according to the Asian Human Rights Commission, the livelihoods of about 500,000 fishermen (indigenous people who have been living on the islands for centuries) will be severely affected.

Ten million people a year suffer forced displacement from their homes and livelihoods to make way for the development of dams, transportation systems and waterfront developments like this one in Pakistan.

Every week, it seems, another brand-name designer opens an office in Dubai on the back of a huge development. These big projects are often promoted on the basis that they will reduce poverty — but poverty is more often a pretext for developments that are primarily designed to improve incomes and lifestyles for the rich. The result, in the words of Maggie Smith, a wise and experienced development professional, is that "millions of people are expelled to the margins of fruitful existence in the name of someone else's progress."

When development ushers in a world of luxury resorts and service industry jobs, most local people end up less secure than they were before. When the possibility of living off the land and sea is removed, only a tiny minority of displaced attain formal employment. Most (and we are talking by now about a third of the world's population — two billion people) live outside the economy of secure jobs, mortgages and pensions.

Half the world’s economy is informal — and that proportion is growing. And yet every time a new wave of development is unleashed, the informal economy is either ignored by planners or, if the poor get in the way, they are routinely swept aside, along with the ways of doing things that have served people well for generations.

Many property developers don't even pretend to care about poor people. But in the North, a lot of people are keen to do good. Advanced Micro Devices and Architecture for Humanity, for example, ran a $250,000 competition for the design of technology centers in the developing world. AMD spoke proudly of its ambition to connect 50 percent of the world's population to the Internet by 2015. The organizers seemed to be unaware that in India, six million mobile phone accounts are being opened each month without the participation of a single "technology centre" and that smart poor people are often ahead of the game in their access to connectivity, devices and infrastructures.

Another North-to-South project that missed the point was the $100 laptop. Nicholas Negroponte, founder of the Media Laboratory at MIT, launched his project at the World Economic Forum in Davos. To the delegates in Davos, $100 probably sounded cheap; many were paying $1000 an hour to be there. But in Mali, where 90 percent of the population lives on $2 a day, this cheap laptop would cost people two or three months' earnings.

Donating information technology for development is not, of itself, virtuous. Connectivity is more about the design of clever business models than about the mass distribution of devices. Delegates to the Doors of Perception conference back in 1994 were mesmerized hearing how the extraordinary Sam Pitroda enabled hundreds of millions of people in India to gain access to telephony by designing the Public Call Office (PCO) concept — a low-tech, high-smarts system based on the clever sharing of devices and infrastructure. PCOs exemplify the kind of design skills that we need to learn from India and adapt to our own situations.

As I mentioned above, well meaning top-down-ness afflicts the architecture profession. Many architects offer to help whenever a natural disaster hits poor countries far away. But itinerant design professionals often lack in-depth knowledge of local ways of building and living, and propose solutions that cannot be readily adapted to local conditions and are therefore unlikely to be sustainable.

Eighty percent of other design professionals are in the representation business. But designing a poster about an issue, or launching a media campaign about it, is not the same as helping real people, in real places, change a material aspect of their everyday reality. Development is not primarily about products, let alone posters.

An entrepreneur from the North who understands this, Paul Polak, helps people in developing countries improve water extraction and distribution systems. Polak has concluded, after years of work, that the design and technology of a device, such as a pump, is not much more than ten percent of the complete solution. The other ninety percent involves distribution, training, maintenance, service arrangements and the development of partnership and business models. These, too, must also be co-designed.

New approaches to development are more about exchange and distribution than blue-sky invention. Among the elements of a sustainable world that already exist, many are social practices — some of them very old ones — already learned by other societies and in other times. From this insight flows the idea of designers as global hunter-gatherers of models; processes and ways of living that already exist. Or used to. As scavenger-innovators, our first response should be to ask: Who has cracked a similar question in the past? How might we learn from, or piggyback on, their success?

The South can teach the North all manner of useful techniques for the re-localization of production and exchange. The South also knows a lot about service intensity. Those two billion people who live outside of formal economies have innovated a thousand-and-one ways to keep body and soul alive. And in Africa, right now, tens of millions of people are innovating a new system of value exchange, based on swapping airtime via cellphones, that could well become the replacement banking system that we'll need on the road to sustainability.

The North, despite being wrongly developed in so many ways, still has plenty to offer. For example, Northern designers are good for casting fresh eyes on a region's assets that have not been appreciated by local people. The North also has useful tools and skills to offer: these range from service design, to technologies of co-operation, to systems for resource allocation (ranging from people, to water) than can be re-purposed for ultra-local use.

The most exciting opportunity for innovation lies in combining the knowledge systems, tools, and social and territorial assets of South and North. In a light and sustainable economy, we will share resources such as time, skill, software or food using socially embedded systems, enabled by networked communications, that are a hybrid of assets from North and South.

This is why I'm declining the most enticing invitation I've received in ages. I wish my friends well in their meeting, but my personal view is that it's time to get out of the tent more.

John Thackara is director of Doors of Perception.
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I found this fantastic article on DesignObserver via Niti Bahn's blog perspective.
Couple of days ago these are also the kind of questions Prof Trivedi asked me during my interview at IDC, where i was applying for Master of Design (M.Des) in Visual Communication. I was spooked to find the similarity between our conversation during that interview and the what is discussed by John Thackra in his article.

Also this article became my reality check with who is helping whom? being the constant reminder.

That feeling

2008-07-01T11:13:00.000-07:00

Its that feeling, a film of sorrow on a piping hot tea of joy...its refreshing but makes you nostalgic, somber. You know not where the feeling comes from and you know not why there is grief at the periphery when the center abounds with joy; its just a bitter sweet wild berry you found alongside and untrodden path to nowhere- which you popped into your mouth curiosity not withstanding...and lo the feelings that were bubbling under came brimming to the surface. I have had this feeling once before when i was extremely happy but only with a hint of sadness in an altogether different context though.

For past couple of years I had been nurturing a dream in my head. I thought to myself- the day that happens i will do this and that, i will go here and there, i will learn this, teach that, i will participate in this and help organize that- my agenda was just endless. Each time i came even remotely close to that dream my heart would just fill up with joy and zest. I finally realized the dream in the recent past. Not the whole dream; no way...but atleast its beginning is sort of coming true...but what am I feeling? Nothing! I am just feeling empty, blank, directionless.

I am surprised at my own self. Surprised at how impulsive i can be. I am not even sure if I did the right thing. People who know me seem to find it hard to believe that this has actually happened to me. Probably i feel the same way. But this time i know its not a fluke. Maybe i should for once stop over analyzing and enjoy this moment, this feeling while it lasts and then give it all I have to truly make something out of it and out of myself too.

The other day i got drenched by the lakeside. I looked at it from far off and probably that time i felt like okay i have arrived at the threshold of the world where I want to be. Just need to take steps in the right direction now and not lose my momentum. Fingers crossed, toes too!

Chatak and DDS 2008

2008-06-14T08:03:00.000-07:00

I got soaked in rains today. Mad Mad fun. Saw Chatak exhibition at Nehru Centre. IDC Design D show too, loved work by Varunjyoti Deori. His film "Shadow" had amazing style. His film "Birdwatching" was humour based. Other works i enjoyed were films "Hand of Hunger" by Hashim K Basheer and a film on Varnasi by Shayak Sen. Inspiring stuff. All the projects can be found at the DDS website. Loved the treatment Deepa Chordia used for her animated film Dada No Des. Rakshit Shah's concepts of new package design for home delivered hotel food along with his cool billing counter device for kirana shops was nice too. Surendra Manekar's concept of a computer mediated learning platform for act of learning draw was thoughtful considering those who cannot draw are oft intrigued by those who can. The illustrated book for blind by Deepti Halder was nice too.

I wish i had not been as zonked as i was in order to get more out of DDS and Chatak today. But the rains sort of got to me a bit.

Lady at IDC

2008-06-09T08:35:00.000-07:00

Flashback Jan 9
"Sir, this is Aditi K. I have applied for CEED sir but haven't received the admit card yet could you...." voice at the other end- "Ek min...madam koi ladki hai Admit card nahi mila bol rai hai....".

A new voice; a lady this time...South Indian accent; the half South-Indian in me suddenly grows confident about getting some guidance...hoping maybe she will help me out. New voice- "You haven't recieved your admit card yet? okay dont worry come on the day of examination an hour early and they will issue a temporary I-card...."

Majhya jeevat jeev ala...

Today...
"Madam its me Aditi, madam, my CEED results say i have qualified, I have applied for the design test but havent recieved my admit card...this happened last time as well...could you guide me regarding this..." Same old voice with south-indian accent "You haven't recieved your admit card yet? okay dont worry come on the day of examination half an hour early and we will guide you"

I am not sure how i will fare in the exam et al but i am already fond of this lady. She is very very helpful. I plan to meet her and thank her.

Yahan Barish ho rahi hai...

2008-06-08T11:56:00.000-07:00

Summer was killer this year. That combined with the fact that i started sleeping in my parents' room as it was cooler meant i sleep early or face the music did not make it any simpler. Personal cum professional life was not making things simpler either. I was bugged to death by some rather trivial external factors. But suddenly one morning it rained. Out of nowhere. My office windows are those typical huge glass windows which remain perpetually sealed. Blinds drawn. AC on full blast- but i could just sense it- intuitively as if and casually joked around saying bahar dekho baarish...somebody bought it and drew the blinds only to discover it was indeed raining.

Work though not too much was killing me mentally- things had gone wrong here and there and it was not always my fault. I grabbed a cuppa and headed outside the office into the lobby which allowed me a view of the dark skies...i sipped on the coffee and took in some stale air laced with ciggy smoke. I held the cup in my hands soaking them in its warmth- was somehow instantly reminded of a pair of equally warm hands and a monsoon gone by. Suddenly out of nowhere came the rains lashing, so did memories but they haunt me lesser and lesser with each passing day. I have made my peace.

On the window sill of the building opposite ours sat two birds oblivious to all the chaos "sudden showers" had thrown up, lovemaking and singing sweetly! "Birdwatching" I was reminded and smiled to myself. Monsoons have too many happy memories associated with them. The strife is forgotten somehow but sweet nothings just linger on...anyway...i guess my state of mind will be "perpetual romantic" in the coming months somehow. Can't help!

2008-06-08T06:38:00.000-07:00

The Gurl is back!
And i thought my internet version has taken over the real life me...
and i thought i could do without the gurl...
and i thought i needed to reinvent myself....
and i thought i am taking too much space; for nothing....
but i was wrong, and how glad to be in error...
after months of groping in the cyber-dark and finding nothing i am returning to my roots...

Ushira ka hoi na porgi line var ali

Dear all,

I am back, separation not withstanding...It feels good to be back as myself. I thought i had written way too personal stuff...in a way too colourful language and at way too wrong a time...about way too touchy people but you know what bullshit...i don't care...thats me. Hope my grey cells aren't too rusty with a vacation of sorts i took away from aditipagez.

Lotsa love,

Aditi.